Your Fat Friend - Film Review

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'Just say fat. Not “curvy” or “chubby” or “chunky” or “fluffy” or “more to love” or “big guy” or “full-figured” or “big-boned” or “queen size” or “husky” or “obese” or “overweight.”Just say fat.'
(From Aubrey's letter, now on Medium ).

After an argument with a friend, Aubrey Gordon wrote a letter to them to explain about her experiences as a fat person. When she showed the letter to another friend to proof read he suggested that she post it online, and the blog Your Fat Friend was born. '



Aubrey Gordon is an author, podcaster and activist from Portland, Oregon who campaigns for fat acceptance and body positivity. Your Fat Friend (2023) is a documentary which chronicles her journey from anonymous blogger to the author of two books, What We Don't Talk About When We Talk About Fat and You Just Need To Lose Weight and 19 Other Myths About Fat People.

In this eye-opening documentary, Aubrey talks about the difficulties she faces every day in navigating public spaces which are not designed for someone her size. She mentions the difficulties presented by theater seats, and how she would like to use one of the rental bikes available all over Portland but is unable to do so because she is over the weight limit. She talks openly about her fear of flying, not because she thinks that the plane will crash, but because of the inevitable judgement she will face from the airline staff and fellow passengers.

More alarmingly, Aubrey mentions the dangers of avoiding seeing a doctor because many medical personnel fixate on her weight instead of listening to her concerns. She states that "The greatest threat to fat people's health is often health care providers' profound biases". This hit home for me since Aubrey's podcast, Maintenance Phase was recommended to me by a friend after I visited a doctor about an injury which was preventing me from exercising, only to be dismissed and told I needed to lose weight. My frustration at this Catch 22 situation gave me a small taste of the kind of bias that Aubrey and many other people like her face every day. I second the recommendation of the podcast, which looks critically at wellness fads, diet trends and the science behind health and nutrition, including the problems with using the Body Mass Index (BMI) as a measurement of individual health.



The film also covers the horrific abuse Aubrey faced from anonymous cowards online, including eventually being doxxed and threatened with death. It also explores her relationship with her parents, especially her mother, who talks about her feelings of guilt about passing on her own body issues to her daughter. It's beautiful how supportive they both are, as can be seen in their excitement and pride at the launch of her first book.



Aubrey talks about the fad diets she and her mother did together, and how most people on diets like that end up gaining back more weight than they had when they started. She notes that this is "on the level of Big Tobacco levels of truly just lying to people". She also talks about the rebranding of diets as 'wellness' trends, and the dangers of companies like Weight Watchers targeting teens.

Finally, since the holiday season is upon us, I wanted to share Aubrey's advice about conversations around food during the holidays:
"Before you comment on how much you've eaten... your regrets...Ask why you wanted to say it...Who it would benefit...Model the love you wish you saw around you. Model the love you need".

Your Fat Friend is a fascinating, and very moving, documentary about fat shaming and food culture. It is currently streaming on Docplay .




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