The 3 Worst Public Toilets in Melbourne

The 3 Worst Public Toilets in Melbourne

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Posted 2012-04-04 by PaperColossusfollow

It's cold, the floor is wet, I'm trying to hold my pant leg out of a puddle, is that a rat? The light's gone out and, is that an eyeball through that gap? Is someone watching? I think I smell vomit. There's no paper. I hate you bad toilets, you make me feel dirty.

Explore the three worst toilets in Melbourne from the sterile vantage point of the Internet. Learn some hard earned lessons the easy way and avoid three of the worst places to do your business.

Flinders Street Station, Saturday Night.

"The train to hygiene has been cancelled"

A stainless still panel, three by six feet, scratched with keys and permanent markers, although mildly reflective, is not a mirror. Even worse is the floor. Although the floor is wet, it is not the reassuring mild dampness of a recent clean. Rather, a rippling puddle of a constant leak, mixed with vomit and wayward urine, and there's some extra bits in the mix for the guessing.

The large number of people that use this toilet make it especially rabble to the filth cycle: too dirty to clean up after myself, too dirty to touch the lid, too dirty to touch anything, no toilet paper anywhere, too many people and everyone in a rush. It is a bad mixture of elements thrown together that create, in their combination, the filth cycle. It appears that the only people that don't visit these toilets on a Saturday night is the cleaners, and who can blame them. Steer clear and cross the road to ACMI, level one, use the toilets you deserve.

Cherry Bar.

"Rockers don't flush or aim."

The modern rock fuelled anarchist, on a visit to Cherry Bar, is greatly restricted in their ability to rebel against or smash the system. After paying ten dollars at the door, paying seven dollars for a small bottle of beer and listening to the, essentially, same music that was played last week with the same people, wearing the same things, it may indeed feel like you are not quite living up to your internal anarchist manifesto.

However, behind the closed doors of the toilet, the system, waste in the toilet/feet on the ground/ flush after use/, is totally and utterly destroyed and the true anarchist spirit is allowed to soar. Locks have been ripped from doors, seats from bowls and paper from walls. Liquid has been set free from bowl and sink alike. Solid waste is routinely liberated from its flushy prison and can be seen vacationing to new and exciting locations, from the wall to the seat to the floor.

The spirit of anarchy awakened in this toilet acts as an escalating cycle: any non-toilet-anarchist is likely to be too petrified of the germ related element involved in touching anything that they themselves are more likely to urinate on the floor than have to touch the lid. Thus, escalating the filth cycle. It may in fact be cleaner to urinate/defecate into your own hands than visit these toilets. At least in this case you could guarantee that it is only one person's waste that you are in contact with, as opposed to countless strangers' toilet matter.
Meredith Music Festival – Lovers-Lookout Toilet Block- Day Two/Three, 5am.

"Get in early, get out quick.

It's so late, you don't want to go, it would be easier to go into a bush, but your ex girlfriend might see me, or worse your current girlfriend. Also, there are so many people with cameras. It's risky business being a bathroom renegade, play it safe use the "official" water closet. In theory an eco-friendly toilet run off the elbow grease of volunteers, worms, sawdust and a few simple rules sounds great. However, throw between ten to fifteen thousand bottoms on permanent rotation and some problems begin to emerge around day two/three.

The simple rules – saw dust after use, close the lid and go in the bowl- seem to be the first to go, while the volunteers – more directly their motivation, ability and effectiveness- seem to join the exodus swiftly thereafter. The filthier this toilet block becomes, the more likely the volunteer is to be rendered helpless. Or, more realistically, the more likely the volunteer is to be rendered "done a runner". Strategically it's possibly worth just holding it in. After all, it's home time in the morning.

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201016 - 2023-06-16 05:03:54

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