Too much tertiary education... Former performer/wrestler...Former teacher... Scientist... Published author... Father... Want to be a writer if I grow up...
Published December 18th 2018
Christmas books for adults ONLY
We're getting to the pointy end of the holiday season now. If, like me, you find Christmas all overdone and not the particularly jolly time it is portrayed by everyone, then maybe some books to while away the hours could be what you need. Here is a list of some not quite normal Christmas reads for you to enjoy.
I should point out right away that these are ADULT books. Concepts (and, yes, language) are not kid-friendly.
1) Two horror anthologies Ho Ho Horror edited by Steve Rossiter (2011)
Eight tales of horror and fantasy based around the Christmas time of the year. From the genuinely creepy to the slightly sad and fairy-tale like, these stories show that Christmas is just like every other time of the year. Highlight is probably 'Let It Snow' by Sam Stephens, a homicidal tale that is all the more unsettling for its Christmas time-frame, although 'Satan Claus' by Keith Mushonga would make an awesome slasher/horror movie.
The Undead That Saved Christmas: Vol 3 Monster Bash! edited by Lyle Perez-Tinics and Joe Filippone (2012 )
More tales of horror, including a bizarre zombie parody of Moore's classic poem, which is probably the highlight. Not so much creepy as actually amusing. I consider both books on a par with one another, and they make a final double volume collection.
2) Two parody books
The Very Hungover Caterpillar by John Lloyd and Emlyn Rees (2015)
This is a really funny parody of Carle's famous children's book, and is particularly relevant at this time of the year, as one man tries to get rid of the hangover from hell.
A Die Hard Christmas by Doogie Horner, illustrated by JJ Harrison (2017)
First – thanks, Bec, for getting me this! Awesome! Take Moore's classic poem, add the best Christmas movie ever ( Die Hard… and I won't hear an argument against it) and you have a brilliantly written, damn funny take on both of them. This is what I wish I could write. It is amazing.
3. A photo collection
Scared of Santa: Scenes of Terror in Toyland by Denise Joyce and Nancy Watkins (2008)
This is on that so cruel it's funny line of humour. The book is essentially a collection of various Santa Claus people scared the living crap out of a bunch of children. The photographs of these terrified children are hilarious, even though they shouldn't be, and the looks on the faces of some of the Santas is also remarkable. It may seem that this would be dull – endless pages of scared children and Santa costumes – but it is mesmerising in its mind-numbingness.
4. A really rude comedy book
Denis Leary's Merry F#%$in' Christmas by Denis Leary (2012)
Based on the song of the same name by the same artist, this incredibly rude and obnoxious book summarises Christmas for me. I am an unabashed fan of Denis Leary (his Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll TV series is the best sitcom of the 21st century… again, no arguments) and the song had me laughing, and then book was a superb topping to the cake. It just rags on everything bad about Christmas. I don't care. I love it. REALLY NOT SAFE FOR WORK OR KIDS!
5) A novel from a classic series
Hogfather by Terry Pratchett (2014)
It's a Discworld novel, so be prepared for silliness, craziness and laugh out loud humour. Santa on Discworld ins the Hogfather, his sleigh drawn by pigs, he's killed, and… well, the being who decides to take on the mantle is, as you would expect, odd. Death's grand-daughter Susan is involved, there's an underworld conspiracy and it all comes together (sort of) in the end. I can't do it justice here – it's fantastic. You need to read it. A fine addition to Pratchett's world, it really
So, there you have it. Some fine Christmas reading. Any I've missed out? Sound off below!