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Top Ten Things to do Naked

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by Michaelie Clark (subscribe)
Pun-loving freelance writer based in Victoria.
Take away the wool suits and the pencil skirts and you'll find that underneath, we're all nudists. With that in mind, we've created a list of activities that are more fun, practical, liberating, pleasurable and amusing to do with neither a stitch on nor a care in the world. Now, for the sake of those with more delicate sensibilities, we've left out a few of the most obvious activities that are best done naked (watching Question Time, for example), but those aside, here are the top ten things to do nude.

Top Ten Things to do Naked
Unveiling the naked truth - daily activities are more fun nude.

Get Artistic
Well, you've heard of finger painting… now it's time to take it to the next level. Do something imaginative in your natural state, and who knows what artistic creations will come about. It gives a whole new meaning to 'doing nudes'.
Nudie no-no: Craft activities involving glue guns. Or papier mache.

Grow a Bush
If you don't have a green thumb, it's time to see what the rest of your anatomy can do. Get out in the garden, dig in the dirt, combine nature with naturism and see if you can grow a plant worthy of Eden itself.
Nudie no-no: Gardening naked where the postman can see you, unless you have a handy fig tree from which to pluck a leaf. Also avoid thistles, nettles and stinging insects.

Have a Massage
Yes, this is something regularly done in the buff, but instead of getting (literally) uptight about the experience every time there is a brush with the buttocks, go with the flow and make the most of the relaxation.
Nudie no-no: Shopping centre ten-minute massage kiosks, usually located in the open somewhere between a novelty store and a cigar mart.

Eat Something Messy
Add a new dimension to the food experience by savouring something delicious and messy without worrying about spills. Stripping for spaghetti bolognese is a good, practical thing to do. If, on the other hand, you want to move on to more romantic disrobed deeds (and meatballs aren't doing it for you), try chocolate fondue.
Nudie no-no: Cooking in the raw.

Have a Bath
But I rarely bathe clothed!' you say. Well. Have you ever been to a Japanese bath house? Soak away in all your glory in a dedicated sanctum of serenity.
Nudie no-no: Taking your rubber duck.

Be Decadent
Give yourself a facial, moisturise from head to toe, put on your favourite perfume, and lounge about naked with a glass of champers. You'll feel lovely, liberated and slightly eccentric – a good combination.
Nudie no-no: Drinking one glass too many and doing something silly while starkers.

Have a Snooze
Your bed is already dressed; you don't have to be. Keep your jim-jams for winter nights and spend summer sleeping in your skin.
Nudie no-no: Sleeping naked in public (like on the long train journey home from work).

Do Some Exercise
Rejuvenate yourself and get in touch with your body by doing a spot of yoga or pilates without any clothes on.
Nudie no-no: Doing star jumps.

Visit the Beach
Swap your swimsuit for your birthday suit and go romping in the waves at a nude beach like a carefree young nymph.
Nudie no-no: Forgetting the sunscreen.

Write a Letter of Complaint
What better way to get your point across, than to compose a missive sans pants. You may like to try this next time you get a parking fine between the car and the meter.
Nudie no-no: Delivering the letter in person, also sans pants.

So there you have it – ten good reasons to cast under-wires, buckles, belts, neckties and modesty aside. Do you dare to bare?
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Why? Reveal your naked ambition.
When: As often as you can.
Where: Anywhere you won't get arrested.
Cost: Varies for the above activities, however nudism is free in both the liberal and literal senses.
Your Comment
Awesome article. Your writing style (and ideas) are so entertaining - I love it.

You could take the first suggestion – nude artistry – a step further and paint yourself. Cover yourself in colour, using face-and-body paint. Or get even more adventurous and experiment with henna patterns.

Of course, it’s much easier to paint someone else than it is to tint your own tushy, but that requires an equally nude-friendly painting partner.

When you’re finished being decorated, take a photo or two of your handiwork. The nudie no-no in this case would be sharing that photo at work, or on facebook. This is one for the private collection.
by Jacky Bailey (score: 2|215) 3364 days ago
Very funny! Where is your head that you think up things like this??? I actually laughed out loud.
by pjpjc (score: 1|23) 3363 days ago
by Laura Bridgestock (score: 0|8) 3361 days ago
I love these suggestions! I plan to do at least one per week. Dont forget Confest. Best clothes optional experience ever.
by anna.11 (score: 0|8) 3357 days ago
Eat Something Messy? Take it to another level - try a ripe, juicy mango; in the shower with your lover!!
by jeane (score: 0|6) 3115 days ago
I just came across this article and like the others above, I love it!
by Julie White / Pictorial Girl (score: 3|1036) 3219 days ago
You are indeed a mystic, Michaelie. This is the most hilarious and wittily written article I've seen for a long time, possibly ever. You had me laughing throughout, especially at your term "nudie no-no" (I wish I'd thought of it).

I laughed most at your last one - I love the concept of writing letters of complaints sans pants - maybe it's because in the dark, dark past it was my job to answer letters of complaint.
by Sue Williams (score: 2|847) 3357 days ago
Michaelie Clark, could you tell me the name of the painting in your article, plz? Who painted that, or your masterpiece? I very like that! So fascinated!
by langt (score: 0|4) 2008 days ago
I really enjoyed your article Mchaelie, it was very amusing. Well done.
by CassandraJoy (score: 3|1021) 2500 days ago
Wonderful article and well written! Love your sense of humour :)
by Fiona Anderson (score: 2|966) 2554 days ago
Fantastic article. True & accurate ways we can all enjoy our nude bodies.
by berry (score: 0|4) 2730 days ago
by Angela Moran (score: 1|14) 3055 days ago
I love how your article flows - the language is effortless and so entertaining! Definitely my most favourite read so far!

Keep up the excellent work!
by Tema (score: 2|859) 3115 days ago
Very funny article, and so cleverly written.
by Helenonthesofa (score: 2|661) 3194 days ago
Great Article I get my partner to do the housework naked,and take pics for a laugh
by sphin0 (score: 0|4) 3363 days ago
The ultimate thing to do when naked: put on some clothes...
by anse (score: 1|84) 3356 days ago
Michaelie, are you bored? Umm nudism. Skinny dipping at a secluded beach is fun. Other than that I can think of very little that I like to do without my clothes. Some people I know did nude modelling when studying to add a little extra cash to their tiny student living allowance. My mother, in fact used to call me and ask in her most commanding voice if I was nude modelling. I was at the time concerned for her wellbeing, that somehow she would believe that I would be an exhibitionist. It may well have been her own desires to be such a bohemian art model, as I am a prude and would consider my body, my private domain. Very well written though.:)
by Jody Kimber (score: 2|894) 3357 days ago
Just two days ago I photographed my first body painted Model! We had a great shoot together and our artist did a wonderful job with the body paint. I've also done a photo shoot with a lady only covered in hundreds and thousands.
It's a great way to have some fun, do something different and become more relaxed with your body. If anyone's interested in doing a tasteful implied/nude photo shoot you can email me at
I am located in the Ipswich Area. I hope everyone has a great day!
by chaka (score: 0|7) 3357 days ago
Fantastic article. True & accurate ways to enjoy our nude bodies.
by berry (score: 0|4) 2730 days ago
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