Top 5 Things Not to Say to a Melburnian

Top 5 Things Not to Say to a Melburnian

Post
Subscribe

Posted 2012-04-01 by Paul Bonadiofollow
We're a patriotic bunch, us Melburnians. We take pride in everything our city has to offer, whether it's the cuisine along Lygon Street or those ridiculously steep escalators at Flagstaff station.

Take a swipe at our fair town and we'll most likely lambaste you with Mum jokes and Chinese burns. We love this city and will defend her to the hilt, regardless of the opposition.

There are some criticisms, however, that tend to have more impact than others. Listed below are five such examples.

1 – "You know what, Sydney is better than Melbourne…"

Ah yes, that old chestnut.

Our friends up north always keep this one in their arsenal. They say that Sydney has the landmarks and attractions that promote Australia to the rest of the world. We'll argue we have the bars, laneways and sporting precincts.

Regardless of who's right, this conflict will never be resolved. It will go endlessly back and forth like two Energiser bunnies playing tennis.



2 – "Fed Square is your city's heart? Really…?"

Yeah ok we get it; it's ugly. It's damn ugly. A blind tiger could've scratched up a better design. Still, we believe it's not the structure that makes the landmark - it's the people located within it.

Over the years Melburnians have gathered at Fed Square for countless sporting events and special occasions. It's usually windy and unbearably cold, but we still make the most of it (language warning).

3 – (Part 1) "It's freezing down here…"

Melbourne is a mighty chilly place. Get caught in winter without an oversized turtle neck and they'll probably find your frozen body sliding down Swanston Street like a bobsled.

3 – (Part 2) "It's boiling down here…"

When summer peaks in Melbourne it becomes ridiculously hot. Also, good luck finding a slurpie at the local 7-Eleven because the machine will be either, a) broken, or; b) out of whatever Slurpee is made of.

4 – "Why do you have sewage flowing throughout your city? Oh wait that's the Yarra…"

Ahem. Yeah you've got us on this one. We can't do much to defend the Yarra. It's dirty, unattractive and I accidentally once dropped a winning trifecta into its bowels.

One redeeming quality is that the Birdman Rally is hosted there during Moomba celebrations. If anything this proves the water is safe. And heck, if it's good enough for those brave Birdmen then it's good enough for us.



5 – "AFL is nothing but aerial ping-pong…"

Such venom is commonly spurted from those living in Sydney, Brisbane and, surprisingly, New Zealand. Why this vitriol is shouted by these folks is a mystery to Melburnians. One theory is that the game has become so complex with so many rules that frustration has set in.

Still, this insult doesn't hurt too much. We love AFL . It's our indigenous game and has kept the Victorian economy in check for a hundred odd years.

Oh and by the way, what's wrong with ping-pong? Exactly, nothing. Everyone loves ping-pong.

Got any thoughts on what you think upsets Melburnians? Feel free to fling your insults below.

#misc
#lists
%wnmelbourne
174852 - 2023-06-15 14:34:51

Tags

Free
Festivals
Outdoor
Music
Markets
Nightlife
Fundraisers
Family_friendly
Community
Arts_culture
Food_drink
Educational
Random
Theatre_shows
Shopping_markets
Copyright 2024 OatLabs ABN 18113479226