I am a writer doing my best to look at Sydney every day with tourist eyes.
Published February 12th 2012
There is a lot to be said for the value of a well-made movie. But a truly bad film, if done correctly, can also provide endless amounts of entertainment. You are guaranteed lots of laughs, quotable lines, easily formed drinking games and plenty of time wondering what on earth the director was thinking.
There are countless good bad movies out there to discover and enjoy. Here are three of the best of the bad that do it for me every time.
Director/writer Tommy Wiseau has cast himself as the lead character Johnny, an investment banker whose ``future wife'' Lisa betrays him by having an affair with his best friend Mark.
Despite having a $6 million budget, there are no signs of quality to be seen. The acting is horrendous, the script is illogical and Wiseau's grip on reality appears to be flimsier than his grasp of English.
It's hard to pinpoint exactly what is so uniquely terrible about this film. Perhaps it is the awful lines (``Keep your stupid comments in your pocket!''), maybe it is the inexplicably useless scenes, or perhaps it is Wiseau's ability to change accents and octaves in his voice within a sentence without any evidence of life appearing in his face.
There is not enough time in the world for me to tell you everything that is wrong with this movie; you'll just have to take my word for it. Trust me, you will be pleasantly disappointed.
Spice World movie poster
You may have blocked any memories of this movie from your subconscious for your own protection but with the Spicemania craze now safely behind us I strongly recommend you revisit this one, if not just to see Victoria Beckham when she still resembled a human being.
The 1997 film was made at the height of the British pop girl band the Spice Girl's popularity. Now I'm sure no one expects a movie about a group of girls who are incapable of having more than one personality trait each to be Oscar worthy, but Spice World really is creative with how bad it is.
The acting is unsurprisingly atrocious but there is also a constant barrage of appallingly cheesy jokes (``Do godmothers get stretch marks?'') and terribly lame scenes (the evil paparazzo sneaks into their house by coming out of the toilet, aliens land on the earth to get the girls' autographs).
You will have their songs stuck in your head for days, but it is definitely worth it for the laughs and a challenging game of spot the plot.
Many a fun times can be had from watching any of Jean-Claude Van Damme's 90s martial arts action movies, but this one has it all. The 1996 film starts with Van Damme as an old man narrating the absurd story which has more clichés and stereotypical characters than there are gratuitous bicep close-ups.
He plays the part of Christopher Dubois, a street mime that looks after a bunch of orphan kids who is kidnapped by gun smugglers, sold by pirates and eventually chosen to represent America in the ancient competition of the best fighters in the world that is held in Thailand. Of course.
This brings an interesting insight into the different cultures of fighting. Naturally, the Spanish fighter wears an open white shirt, black pants and has a fighting stance that looks as though he is about to flamenco dance. The Mongolian main villain looks angry at all times, wears a skirt and has the ability to smash a wooden table in half with his fist.
It just goes to show what happens when the Muscles from Brussels takes a stab at directing his own movies. They certainly don't make them like this anymore.
I loved the list of 80's movies!! OMG!!! That list brought back soooo many great memories of my childhood. Like songs, movies from this much-maligned decade were the best ever made. I'd almost forgotten about Lost Boys, so thanks for reminding me of this great movie. SOOOO much better than those insipid Twilight movies!! This movie made me a lifetime Keifer Sutherland fan. I still love watching anything he makes.
May the 80's live forever