1. Surf. Obviously. But only when there's a photographer snapping. A 'sesh' is only as good as the photos posted on social media. 2. Play bocce with coconuts on a sandy spit at sunset. 3. Ask the skipper questions. About everything. Constantly. There are no dumb questions; just really, really stupid ones.
4. Enjoy your lunch. The surf always stops pumping from 12pm to 2pm.
5. Surf without a hat. It's cool to have a tanned bald spot. 6. Surf without booties. It's cool to have sliced feet. 7. Surf in a collared shirt (preferably unbuttoned). No-one is doing it. It's cool to be original. 8. Jump off the roof of the boat.
9. Bleat about the crowds and about not surfing everywhere with only your mates. 10. Check the spot around the corner. It's always pumping and there's never anyone out.
11. Sit on the deck and hoot while your surf guide (or cook, or skipper) gets barrelled off his bosom.
12. Rave about the food. The cook on your boat will be the best in the islands.
The perfect sandy spit on which to throw coconuts and drink beer at sunset
13. Fall off a stand-up paddle board.
14. Laugh at your mates when they fall off a stand-up paddle board.
15. 'Skurf' behind the dingy or jetski. Preferably near a line-up so the wake chops the waves your mates are surfing.
16. Wave your surfboard in the air to call the dingy or jet ski to chauffeur you back to the boat. Preferably near a line-up so the wake chops the waves your mates are surfing.
Complain about crowded waves while watching the skipper surf by himself
17. Go fishin'. Preferably trolling in the dingy near a line-up so the wake chops the waves your mates are surfing.
18. Watch surf videos. Preferably videos that contain footage of the spots you can see from the boat.
19. Surf in a dress, or in the nude, or in a wig, or in a mankini.
20. Drink beer at every opportunity, and definitely while doing all of the above. The skipper has budgeted on a carton of beer per person per day. Get your monies' worth.