In real life, I do discuss food exactly like how I write in my food review articles. As always my food reviews are scored only on what I've tried and the service expected of that type of establishment.
Published April 26th 2014
Can you read the hipster menu items?
Like the naan bread test, the Grain Store offers a method to troll (antagonise for fun) your friends. Enter the hipster menu reading test. Very simply, it offers an indicator of both your friends' hipster level and ability to lie lie lie. This is more fun when you have another friend as an accomplice and you arrive earlier to prepare yourselves.
The procedure is simple: go through the menu to understand all the fancy terms first. Either do this by using Google on your mobile phone or my personal favourite of interrogate the waiter. Decide on an order and wait. Then when the unsuspecting friend arrives, casually pass him or her the menu and tell them you've already ordered.
The fun begins when you watch their reaction. Are they a seamless liar who bluffs through it? Are they so hipster they know everything on the menu? Are they honest and ask for help? The most important thing is to make sure you and your accomplice do not ruin it by giggling/smiling.
After the game be sure to enjoy the food, where hopefully your friend will be good-natured enough to not mind. We shared some polenta chips. They each had the bacon steak and blood plum creme caramel respectively while I had the mushroom rosti. I couldn't remember the exact full names of the dishes or find them on the website, so you'll have to decode the menu yourself if you want to try these. My friends enjoyed the bacon steak, caramel dessert and the mixed fruit juice.
The polenta chips were best eaten straightaway. They were hot, crunchy and interesting. However once they cool off the grainy texture of the filling becomes apparent and you know they will never replace potato chips. The mushroom rosti (cool potato cake) unfortunately featured more mushroom than rosti. The rosti had a slightly stir-fried/fried but doesn't really look like it outside with a mash potato soft centre. The runny eggs were a good surprise. However once the novelty wore off the combination of green garnish and mushroom didn't quite work.
The Grain Store is not for those who want to stay in their comfort zone. For most people exploration and an 'I'm going to try new things' attitude is essential. Even if you can't read the menu you can still have fun at the expense of friends with the hipster menu reading test.
Service – 5 stars; great service, even the brand-new-first-day-on-the-job waiter took my menu interrogation with humour
Atmosphere – 4 stars; busy, crowded, and game on with the right friends.
Food – 3.5 stars; a very different, very healthy menu that has me missing my meat options however it is good for food experimentation.
Uniqueness factor – A menu that is hard to decode, a perfect test. Have fun at/with friends on the hipster menu reading test