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Published May 22nd 2012
Planning a cruise? There are sure to be many questions you want answers to.
Rhapsody of the Seas Image: Wikimedia Commons, Fletcher6)
Some are really informative and some are just downright fun to read.
Have you found yourself ever thinking any of these? I must confess to standing over a toilet upon arrival in the northern hemisphere, watching the water go down to see if it did swirl the other way (I think it did, but then I got a bit confused as to which way it went when I was at home). I have also been found in a strange position over a toilet on a long train journey to see if it really did drop down onto the tracks below (it did!).
Over the years, many tourist questions have been asked which have ranged from the sensible to the absurd. A word of warning, none of our answers are intended to be anything other than humorous, take them in the light hearted manner intended.
Questions Asked of Cruise Ship Pursers:
Do you make your own electricity on board? Sometimes, it depends how strong the lightning is on board, sometimes we make so much your hair stands up slightly.
Why can't I get cable stations? We tried this for a while, alas after several journeys carrying cables all across the world it became like a web and ships kept getting entangled, so it was all removed.
Do you actually live on this ship? It's a little hard to get home each night, so basically - yes.
Do these stairs go up or down?
It is quite magical actually as they do both depending on the direction you are facing.
Does the crew sleep on board? Only when they are not awake
Cruise ship at Edfu, Egypt Image: Wikimedia Commons, Rémih)
Could you call the captain to stop the waves? I am getting seasick.
We'll have a chat to the almighty man and see what we can muster up for you.
I just saw the Captain in the dining room. Who is steering the ship?
It's a bit scary the first time isn't it. Rest assured he has trained a couple to occasionally take his place.
Is the water in the toilets salty or fresh?
And your reason for wanting to know this is?
What time does the midnight buffet start?
About a minute after 11.59, enjoy!
What do you do with the ice sculptures after they melt?
See all that wet stuff the boat is floating on, luckily we can put it in there.
Can you get these chips on land? -- Referring to casino chips.
Yes, you can, remarkably, they are also made on land.
Why is it so windy outside?-- On a cruise liner travelling 30 miles per hour at the time
Sorry about that, we'll see what we can do to fix it for you..
I see them! -- The inevitable response from a member of the crowd whenever a casino dealer on a cruise liner played a favourite joke -- pointing out "penguins" on a "little piece of ice" during a cruise through Bermuda.
What fun, glad you are having a great time
So what is the elevation here? -- On an Alaskan cruise
Generally that would be sea level folks
Why can't I find a USPS post box in town? -- In Ocho Rios, Jamaica.
USPS - United states postal services, not Jamaica, sorry
If you are looking for Jamaica in the U.S. Try Queens in New York. This Jamaica is an island that is a nation of its own.
I want to change cabins. I paid good money for this cruise, and all I can see is a rusted crane in the harbour!" -- Asked before leaving port.
Yes, I can see how that could be frustrating, I will have a word to the captain and make sure as soon as the ship departs you have a different view.
If you are a regular cruise ship traveller - I hope this made you smile. If you are a newcomers, relax, you will be well looked after, you will be fed, you will be entertained and other than the occasional iceberg or entire boat tipping over, you will be relatively safe.
Enjoy your cruise.
Have you taken a cruise and heard some funny comments, we'd love to hear them.
Great article. Made me giggle. One thing I do want to know is how the evening show dancers manage to dance in high heels when the rest of us can barely manage to walk straight while the seas are rough :)