So, your child's regular babysitters, educationally referred to as their 'school', have taken a break and your children are on holidays. You're only one day in, your screaming voice is croaky and you're practically bald from all the out-ripping of hair.
You need some loin-based respite. What follows are the 7 best ideas for you, and your kids, on school holidays.
1. Movies During school holidays, movie-makers release relevant time-wasters. And these days, there are even some small inside jokes for the adults in the audience. Tuesdays are usually cheaper, but cinemas are packed with other money-conscious parents of school leavers. Don't buy them popcorn. Save the extreme cost for something else, and just tell your kids to watch the film with their mouth open, and with any luck cobs of the thrown stuff should drop into their gobs.
2. The Local Pool If it's winter, and the local pool is an outdoor one, it is probably not the place for you, as your kids will just as quickly dip out as in. But if it's an indoor pool, or even summer, you will probably get a restful day as it's the lifeguard's job, not yours, to watch over them.
3. Shopping Centres Depending on the ages of your children, your kids will get as much out of a trip to the shops as you will. When you shop for dresses, send them to the arcade. When you stop for lunch, provide some small change and they will receive a small feast. Not necessarily of edible food, but they won't complain. And when you leave for home, well, you better take them home with you, to save an auditory call from the shopping centre security.
4. The Local Park The next generation finds so much of interest at the same park you are utterly bored of. The old bench becomes a broken down spaceship in need of repair. The decrepit brown slide, which was yellow, is now a teleportation device. But be careful of the roundabout thingy, it distracts for a while no doubt. However, it usually takes up to ten times as long to clean up the symptoms.
5. Extended Family It may be true that your kids do not want to see their extended family, your family. Maybe your brother, their uncle, is scary. Maybe your mother, their grandmother, has a heavier moustache than their working father. But your family wants to see them, for reasons unbeknown to you. Don't argue or try to understand. Just send them on and put your feet up.
6. Sports Clinics
There are countless sports clinics held during the school holidays. Basketball. Netball. Football. All codes. Athletics. Cricket. All codes. Even if your kids have no interest in the sports available, use whatever codes in your arsenal to coerce them to try one. Morse Code. All codes.
7. Screens. TVs. Computers. Tablets. Xbox. Playstations. Whatever. They are not eruditely ideal. But as guardians they are unfathomably reliable.