For those who like their sauciness G-rated

Saucy night in Phuket
Night 1: Promote the Wellness in YouThe Thais do wellness well. The focus of ancient Thai medical practice is to bring the body and the spirit to a state of balance. Start your holiday with one (or more) of the many treatments on offer: traditional massage, reflexology, heat therapy, herbal remedy, hypnotherapy, facial scrub, body scrub, aromatherapy, salt bath, seaweed wrap, the list goes on.
When: Until late
Where: Everywhere; you can't walk for more than two minutes without passing a massage parlour, beauty salon, or spa
Cost: From $10 to $100 an hour
Night 2: Visit the Big BuddhaPhuket's Big Buddha is perpetually under construction, or so it seems. Though scaffolding and all, up close the gigantic statue is impressive, as are the views over southern Phuket. Visit in the late afternoon when the light is right; the great white icon is photogenic as the sun sets.
When: 8am - 7.30pm, daily
Where: Nakkerd Hills, Chalong
Cost: Free, but donations are appreciated

Big Buddha
Night 3: Do Dinner and a Show at Phuket FantaSeaA visit to Phuket isn't complete without a night spent at this cultural theme park.
Here is a detailed review of this wacky, weird, and wonderful attraction.
When: 5.30pm - 11.30pm
(closed Thursdays)
Where: Kamala Beach
Cost: Show and buffet dinner 1,900 THB (adults) 1,700 THB (children 4-12 years)
Night 4: Visit Royal Phuket Marina and Boat Lagoon Marina
These marinas are must-sees for boaties and wanna-be-boaties. There's an array of beautiful water craft on display - motor boats, sail boats, mono-hulls, multi-hulls, private yachts and charter boats - and there's a range of fine dining options (my favourite is the Italian restaurant at Boat Lagoon). Arrive before dark so you can watch the action in the boat yards and perhaps treat yourself to a little something at one of the yacht brokers, boutiques, or spas.
When: Until late
Where: On the central east coast of Phuket, off Thepkasattri Road
Cost: A few mill for a 72 footer

Royal Phuket Marina
Night 5: Shop at Central Festival Phuket
Central Festival markets itself as "Phuket's best international lifestyle & shopping destination" and I tend to agree. Whatever your shopping fetish - Asian arts and crafts, books, electronics, fashion, home decor, IT, jewellery, optics, photographic equipment - you'll find it there. Though don't expect to bag a bargain; you may find that many of the brands are more expensive than they are at home.
When: 10.30am - 10pm, daily
Where: Between Phuket Town and Patong Beach, on Vichitsongkram Road
Cost: Browsing is free
Night 6: Stroll the Phuket Weekend Night Market
Rub shoulders with the locals and get a bit of a feel for the "real" Phuket at this busy and colourful night market. Though don't think you won't bump into other tourists there, you will. Anything and everything you can and can't imagine is for sale. Snack on fried insects for dinner.
When: 4pm - 9pm,
Saturdays & Sundays only
Where: On the outskirts of Phuket Town, off Chao Fa West Road
Cost: Negotiable

Market goods for sale
Night 7: Party at Patong
Or at the very least, take an after-dark stroll down Bangla Road so you can witness the incredible seediness that is partly responsible for making Phuket the popular tourist destination it is today. Every year or so I forget that I think Patong is revolting and I find myself there giving it another go. I always leave with my memory refreshed.
When: Until very very late (early?)
Where: Bangla Road, Patong
Cost: Staring is free
For an even more unforgettable holiday in Phuket:
-Follow
this itinerary for seven dreamy days in Phuket.
-Time your visit to coincide with the annual
Songkran Festival.