Ruby's Choice - Film Review

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Ruby's Choice is an insight into dementia that is heartwarming. They say that people with dementia are happy in themselves and it is the people around them who have a hard time. However, this film shows a family recognising the value of someone who has dementia and brings about change to their daily lives for the better. It portrays a person with strong emotions, opinions, full of memories and love. It is also one of hope and affirmation in the strength of family and love.

The film is directed by Michael Budd and stars two-time Golden Globe Winner Jane Seymour OBE as Ruby, who has lost her husband and lives alone but has the support of her daughter Sharon (Jacqueline McKenzie) and her family - Sharon's husband, Doug, (Stephen Hunter) and their beautiful daughter Tash (Coco Jack Gillies) - then Uncle Ken and cousin Jack come into the picture as well. It's a crowded household and there are tensions. Doug's job and livelihood are threatened, Uncle Ken's marriage has broken down and Ned, a teenager, is toxic in every way, suffering because of his parents' breakup, and taking it out on his lovely cousin Tash.

Sharon looks to the state to see how she can be supported or helped in looking after her mum Ruby - but the news is bad. There is nothing they can put in place short term. The standout performance for me is from Coco Jack Gillies, whose character Tash is asked to look after her Grandma Ruby. Ruby is becoming more erratic in her behaviour every day and while Tash is resentful of that to start with, she quickly realises that even in her deteriorating state, Grandma Ruby has so much to offer, from teaching her how to protect herself, to revealing parts of her past that are important and ultimately helpful in her own life and that of her family.

This is not an action-packed film. It has a real-life pace and one that most families would readily recognise. Stroppy teenagers, bullying in school, being let go from work, dealing with financial pressures and on top of all that, an elderly relative who is displaying worrying signs of dementia. It unfolds slowly to emphasise that many families take a long time to come to terms with the behaviour an elderly relative might be displaying. There is undoubtedly a denial to start with and a wish that this is a temporary problem brought on by forgetful old age. However, the signs of dementia are staring at them in the face as the incidents of forgetfulness and confusion are overwhelming and impact their daily life. It can be harrowing and hard, especially when there are additional money concerns and family frictions.

Once the dementia diagnosis has been made, the perception is that they are a danger to themselves and a headache for the families but this film turns that on its head. It gently moves the family's thoughts and expectations to the inevitable conclusion that a nursing home is the best option for Grandma – and it becomes 'Ruby's choice'. Interestingly, she does embrace it and she does it emphatically. In that setting, she is happy, settled and safe and her family, of course, are aware of this and can visit and be with her without worrying.

This comes contrary to the perceived view of nursing homes which are generally regarded negatively as places where old people are parked to die. Here the home is happy and well managed and it actually serves as an inspiration to Tash in planning her own future.

We see the family paying tribute to both grandparents at the end of the film. It is a tribute based on the fact that having lived with Ruby's dementia they were able to become resourceful and strong in their own life decisions. Ruby was able to give them, through her dementia which had taken over her own life, a clarity and love which they were able to embrace. It gave them the power to move forward with their own lives in productive and empowering ways.

It handles the difficult subject of dementia with honesty. Not shying away from the problems it raises but also giving us a new and heartwarming message about how sometimes we should look beyond the difficulties and see the messages of hope and love through the eyes and lives of people living with dementia.

Ruby's Choice is in cinemas across Australia on 3rd March 2022.



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