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New Year Realism

Home > Everywhere > Lists | New Years Eve | Personal Development | Quirky
by Steven G (subscribe)
Too much tertiary education... Former performer/wrestler...Former teacher... Scientist... Published author... Father... Want to be a writer if I grow up...
Published December 13th 2018
It can be easy to keep resolutions
They appear every year. Like weevils in a tub of flour, they are suddenly and inevitably there, staring at you, daring you to do something about them.

weevil, new year's eve, resolutions
In all its glory.

And like those same weevils, they are so hard to get rid of once they've made their home with you. They hang around. They just will not go away!

Those broken New Year's Resolutions.

And then, of course, they goad you, tease you, make you feel guilt, dare you to do something about them. But you cannot. You can try, but that sense of urgency is never there. Not now. They're broken; can they really ever be fixed? And so, for another year, they live with you, building up and building up until, yet again, you are ready to face them down. You are ready to make new resolutions. You are ready to try, try again.

You are ready to fail again.

Well, this year, I'm going to show those little suckers. My New Year's Resolutions will be ones I know I can keep. There'll be no feeling like I'm useless at the end of the year. I guarantee it!

Oh, and because it's sort of the thing to do, it's best to limit yourself. No use getting carried away, now, is there? So, here's my five resolutions!

1) I will restrict myself to no more than two fast-food meals a day. Seriously. Not breakfast, lunch and tea, just two of them. And snacks between meals don't count; they're not meals.

fried chicken, snack food, fast food, junk food
I'm sure this would count as a 'snack'. Right?

2) I won't drink more than a carton of beer or one bottle of spirits in one sitting unless it's a really very special occasion. Like a wedding. Or a birthday. Or a Thursday.

alcohol, bottles, beer, wine, spirits
Surely sharpening a pencil counts as a celebration.

3) I will not watch more than five hours of TV a day. No, make it eight. Let's call it ten, and we'll average that over a week. Yep. Seventy hours a week. That's my limit.
This is my television. Don't judge.

4) I will not look at pictures of cats on the Internet. Unless they are forwarded to me by people I like and trust. And no more than five hours of 'Net surfing a day. No, make it eight. Let's call it ten, and we'll average that over a week. Yep. Seventy hours a week. That's my limit. Again.

cat, grumpy, cage
Aww, but look how cute that is!

5) Finally, I will not, under any circumstances, stick my face in a blender. Again. No, really; last time it was just stupid.

No... face, keep away...

So, I hope this will inspire everyone else out there to do the same thing. We can all make realistic New Year's Resolutions, ones that we're pretty sure we can keep. I believe that would make it not such a useless thing to do after all…

Or, at least, we won't feel like quite the failures we always do…

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Your Comment
Great article, Steven ... I'm disappointed you only have 5!
by Elaine (score: 3|7010) 435 days ago
Very amusing - as always. :)
by May Cross (score: 3|5603) 431 days ago
Love the different and interesting reads you are bringing to WN!
by Michael Genrich (score: 3|1622) 429 days ago
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