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Movie 43 - Film Review

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by Chrystal Byrne (subscribe)
Freelance writer living on Brisbane's north side. Studied creative industries - currently studying library and information services.
Published February 16th 2013
Movie 43
Movie 43 poster

Movie 43 (2013) boasts that it is the most outrageous comedy ever made and has the biggest cast ever assembled. Now, 'outrageous' is not what I would call this 'comedy', but it certainly does have a huge cast. Movie 43 has some huge names behind it, starring the likes of: Halle Berry, Hugh Jackman, Naomi Watts, Johnny Knoxville (of Jackass), Emma Stone, Seann William Scott (or Stifler, from American Pie), Elizabeth Banks and Anna Faris, just to name a few. But having so many brilliant actors in one film is not necessarily going to make your film good, in any sense.

I didn't really find Movie 43 good or 'outrageously' funny. Sure, it had its decent moments, but Movie 43 is a movie about a movie about short movies. There's no real storyline to follow and become immersed in, just a number of ridiculously short, ridiculous stories, told by actor Dennis Quaid in his film pitch to actor Greg Kinnear.

Story 1: The Catch
Kate Winslet goes on a blind date with real 'catch' Hugh Jackman, a highly successful, good-looking and wealthy bachelor, who ticks all the right boxes – except that he has balls growing on his neck. Hanging hairy testicles. No one seems to notice except Kate and this makes her increasingly uncomfortable. Cue hairs in soup and balls in face moments.

Story 2: Homeschooled
Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts are the incredibly weird (and slightly incestuous) parents of teen Jeremy Allen White. They home school him, and believe so strongly in him having a "normal and complete high school experience" (Schreiber 2013) that they create incredibly awkward situations (Naomi Watts kissing Jeremy Allen White, Liev Schreiber bullying him about his 'weird' pubes).

Story 3: The Proposal
Anna Faris and Chris Pratt are in love. So much so that when Pratt creates the perfect setting to propose, Faris instead asks him to 'poop' on her. It must be love? Goaded by their mutual friends, Pratt decides that if he loves her he must be able to grant her wish, munching down on loads of Mexican food on the big night. There's a rumble in the jungle.

Movie 43
Anna Faris in Movie 43

Story 4: Veronica
Macaulay Culkin's little brother Kieran works in a convenience store. Enter Emma Stone, a foxy little redhead who has a past with Kieran. Over the store's PA system Emma and Kieran re-declare their love and passion for each other, despite issues of HPV and infidelity, Kieran's elderly/senile customers band together to tell him to go after Emma.

Story 5: iBabe
iBabe has been made: a portable music device in the form of a woman's naked body. What problems could this possibly cause, you say? Well, apparently, young men and boys are finding this portable music device so enticing and lifelike in appearance that they are putting their penises in the vent, which just so happens to be located at the device's 'vagina'. Problem? Their penises are being mangled by doing so and Kate Bosworth isn't happy.

Story 6: Super Hero Speed Dating
Robin (Justin Long) wants a woman and is trying speed dating on for size. Batman (Jason Sudeikis) wants Robin to concentrate on the fact that there's an apparent bomb on the premises, but is also having fun messing with Robin's dates. Cue Lois Lane, Superman, Supergirl, Wonder Woman and the Penguin and let the drama (stupidity) begin.

Movie 43
Batman and Robin, Jason Sudeikis and Justin Long, in Movie 43

Story 7: Machine Kids
Apparently all of our machines have kids in them. Go figure.

Story 8: Middleschool Date
Chloë Grace Moretz is over at her boyfriend Jimmy Bennett's house when disaster strikes. Chloë hops up from the lounge only to realise that she is bleeding – from her vagina. Cue male chaos here. When Jimmy's brother, Christopher Mintz-Plasse (McLovin), realises that she has her period he convinces Jimmy that she is dying. Christopher thinks that frozen peas and a sponge will do the trick.

Story 9: Tampax
An 'advertisement' for Tampax showing two beautiful women swimming out to sea. One gets devoured by a shark, apparently because she is not using Tampax.

Story 10: Happy Birthday
It is Seann William Scott's (Stifler) birthday, and even though Johnny Knoxville (Jackass) slept with his girlfriend, he is trying to make things right. Johnny has caught a leprechaun – and a vicious one at that. Lots of violence and bloodiness ensues when the leprechaun's brother shows up, and then there's the 'Story Time' fairy, who sucks cock for gold coins.

Story 11: Truth or Dare
Halle Berry and Stephen Merchant are on a date. But Halle's sick of all the 'ordinary' dates and turns it into a huge game of truth and dare. After stripping, arse-grabbing and huge appearance-changing cosmetic surgeries, will Halle and Stephen find love? I particularly like the shot of Halle making guacamole with her right breast.

Movie 43
Halle Berry in Movie 43

Story 12: Victory's Glory
Terrence Howard is the coach of an all-black Basketball team. It is the night of a big game and although he wants his team to know he is proud of them all, no matter what, he knows they're going to win. Why? Because they're black. No words about teamwork, passion or endurance, Terrence is black, his team is black and that's why they'll win.

Story 13: Beezel
Josh Duhamel and Elizabeth Banks star in this slightly Ted-like story. Josh and Elizabeth are in love, but Elizabeth thinks that Josh's beloved and unusual cat, Beezel is too much a part of their lives, sound familiar? But the similarities to Ted (2012) end here. After Elizabeth catches Beezel masturbating to pictures of Josh, things turn exceedingly nasty. Beezel manages to scratch her, piss all over her, eat his own throw up and hit her with a car.

I guess if you like short stories then you might like Movie 43, but for a movie, in my opinion, it's weird. As I said earlier, there are some decent moments, and some actual comedy, but I'll stick to my beginning, middle and end movies from now on, thank you.

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Why? Because you want to see a new movie.
When: From February 7th
Where: In cinemas near you.
Cost: Check admission prices at your local cinema.
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