Melbourne Buses 101

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Posted 2012-09-08 by Katie Alford ⇒ follow

Buses can be scary. I'll be the first to admit I spent years avoiding them before finally accepting that, sometimes, you just have to take the bus. So, when cars, trains and trams fail you, remember these simple rules for surviving Melbourne's bus system.

Buses are never on time. Due to the traffic they encounter and there incalculable stopping times (unlike trains that stop at every station for X amount of time), buses almost never make it to your stop at the exact right time. This is unfortunate. Luckily they are usually no more than 5 minutes late, or 5 minutes early, but it can be a pain. Most services run reasonably frequently, so just leave a little earlier to avoid being late for work, school or your hot date.

Always remember, bus drivers are your friends, not your enemies. If the service is late, it's not their fault 99% of the time. They do not control the traffic, the weather or the other drivers, so don't even bother telling them your gripes. It just makes you look stupid. If you really want to report your issue, contact the bus company. For added bonus points, or if you travel on a particular line every day, try saying "hello", "goodbye" and "thank-you" to the driver. They'll really appreciate it.

Myki operates differently on buses than on trams and trains. You MUST touch on when boarding the bus (or the driver simply won't let you on). When getting off a bus though, touching off is only necessary if you won't be travelling on public transport again that day. Touching off is pointless and a waste of everyone's time outside of this.

Most importantly, when travelling on Melbourne's buses, remember, your bag did not pay for a seat, therefore it does not get to take up the seat next to you, you should always shower BEFORE you get on the bus and it is completely unnecessary to make small talk with your fellow commuters.