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How to Text Message: A Guide for the Over 30's.

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by Madeline Link (subscribe)
I'm just a happy realist. Visit my blog at
Published April 10th 2013
J/w how 2 txt like ur kids?
J/w how 2 txt like ur kids?

As the unfortunate daughter of two reckless IPhone wielding parents, deciphering the abbreviations in their text messages can be as difficult as breaching the security of the Pentagon. So here's a how-to for the not-so-hip looking to broaden their textual horizons.

1. Taking out letters will make your texts shorter, but not necessarily easier to read. If you're sending messages that look similar to an aggressive key mash (FGUHDNFTK!!!!!!), it's time to re-evaluate.

2. Contrary to popular belief, 'LOL' is not short for 'lots of love'. While the sentiment is certainly heartfelt, your children are likely to question why you're breaking into raucous laughter at the conclusion of every text message.

3. One word, ellipses. There seems to be a growing trend in parents who end their text messages with a string of full stops. This is not an Alfred Hitchcock movie, but 'We're having roast chicken for dinner………' has us sitting with a white-knuckled grip at the edge of our seats.

4. Start slowly, but don't be afraid to experiment. Start by introducing a couple of 'LOL's (laugh out loud) or 'TTYL's (talk to you later) and go from there. There are plenty of internet sites with itemized abbreviations if you want to spice things up a little. Do what feels natural and it's only onward and upward from here.

5. Emoticons are essential. Even a simple smiley ☺ can revolutionize a text message. For abbreviation beginners this will be a vital tool in helping you demonstrate your point. As a general rule, those who are unfamiliar with the texting-world should avoid the winky-face: ;). This is a seriously powerful and multi-dimensional emoticon and should only be used by those who fully understand its command.

6. Mediate your laughter. Try to determine how funny the message you just received truly was. You know what they say, too many 'ha's' ruin the broth. Use this as a guide:

Ha.' : The text was not funny.
Haha.' : Two ha's is extremely helpful in bringing a positive vibe to an otherwise serious or demanding tone. A lowercase 'lol' is an appropriate replacement.
Hahaha' : Use this if you actually snorted IRL (in real life). People like to know their humour is appreciated.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA' : The person who just messaged you is perhaps a comedic genius. Like the winky-face, an unlimited amount of ha's can be very powerful and should be treated with due respect.

So, if u've read AOTA, u no the 411. CYAL8R and good luck.
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