I'm like a piece of bread. Reliable, tasty and a little naughty. Check out my blog - www.brigquest.com
Published April 30th 2013
So you don't want to grow old with 100 cats
So you have a great friendship that you don't want to ruin, but you are obviously not content enough to just stay friends without at least trying...
Well the first thing you need to know is that it is possible to stay friends after telling someone you have feelings for them, so don't treat this situation as if it's impossible.
You obviously want the best outcome - a relationship with this person - so let's focus on that for now.
Some questions to ask yourself
1. Is he/she already in a relationship?
If this is the case, my personal recommendation is to keep your feelings to yourself, as the person of interest is already taken. Enjoy the friendship and there are plenty of other fish in the sea. However, I do understand that there are sometimes grey areas, for e.g. if they keep flirting with you. Tread carefully, but I would figure out their intent, because to them it could be some harmless fun but to you it's obviously more and you should address the issue.
2. Do you think they feel the same?
Think about the last month of hang outs with your crush and try your hardest to figure out if they gave you any sort of signals. Yes, I know trying to figure out the opposite sex is like solving a Rubik cube, but there might be little hints floating around. Does he often compliment you, pay for everything and tell you how much he wants a girlfriend? Those are good indications he may be feeling the same way as you.
3. Would you be a good match as a couple?
You may have loads in common and always have a great time with each other, but a relationship also relies on similar values and trust. Where does he/she see themselves in a couple of years? In the past I was with a guy and we were fantastic together, but he had different dreams to me. He wanted to live overseas and I was happy just going on a holiday and living where I was. This is what tore us apart in the end. I know it's hard, but before you open up your feelings, you have to ask yourself the hard questions.
If you still want to pursue your crush, after all of that, then I support you (because ultimately that's all that matters, my support).
Now, let's talk strategies. How are you going to tell him/her about your feelings? Here are some of my ideas.
Do it in a casual environment, where there are options to go separate ways easily, in case the conversation doesn't go well. An activity like mini golf or a friends gathering is a good option, as you have distractions going on around you if things get awkward.
Don't over think it or get stressed out Have a Valium or a shot of scotch before hand. Jokes! (…not really though…) You have already made your decision so have confidence in it.
Don't make them answer straight away, as they could be in shock - just because it's been on your mind for what feels like a million years, this could be a whole new idea for them.
If worst case scenario happens and he/she isn't interested in a relationship, keep it cool. Let them know you still value their friendship and hope you can continue hanging out. I'd leave it for a week, you know, to let the awkwardness die down, and then make contact again.
Now, if best case scenario happens, OHHHHHHH YEAH. I'm happy for you two love birds. Invite me to your wedding. I'm like a crappy version of Millionaire Matchmaker, where I do nothing and totally expect all the credit.
I attended the wedding of one of my friends this last weekend. Her now-husband and her had been 'just great friends' for 5 years before he wrote down all his romantic feelings on a letter and gave it to her to open on the aeroplane as she flew overseas for 3 weeks!!! At least she had time to think about it (as she had NO idea he was interested 'in that way')....and if she'd said no, he had time to recover before she returned! But now they're happily married....!!!