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Published August 13th 2013
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How to Survive an Election Campaign
One Way to Survive an Election - (Image Courtesy of Daily Sunny)
If it's not your taxes thoughtfully passed on by the Electoral Commission to major parties, it will be donations from companies who have raised their prices just to fund their favourite friends in politics.
As the election date gets closer, so do the politicians at shopping centres. My local member is normally harder to find than a sub-Saharan pygmy, but I actually saw him on TV recently - the first time since he was elected in 1996!
Is This Really Green?
But there are ways to survive with sanity. Read our guide on how to enjoy an election campaign, and if you have any better suggestion please tell us - after all, we're all in this together!
The easiest way to survive an election campaign is to escape it! Find a country where they don't give a rats about Australia and its elections, and treat yourself to a holiday there.
The best choices are non-Commonwealth countries like Hungary, Brazil, Rwanda or France. The chance of even seeing the word Australia is pretty much zilch in any of the above.
I'm sorry but it's not enough to head for the hills in London - they usually find a perverse pleasure lampooning Aussies, and the antics of our Prime Minister and Opposition Leader during an election campaign give them rich pickings.
Relax on the Beach - Sunny Nice in the South of France
Once a master of political stunts and satire, Senator Nick Xenophon has been quiet on the electoral front so far. But in the past he has taken a kid goat to parliament to urge voters not to "kid around", and using a model train to make a point about a poltical gravy train..
Take a Vow
Take a Vow and Become a Nun! (Imager Courtesy Stephen Rosger)
No, don't "take a bow" (unless you're a candidate).
Take a vow and escape the election in your choice of convent or monastery. Now I know that the hours are long, the food is basic and the accommodation is not exactly five star, but taking a vow of silence should let you escape all talk of elections.
Males May Prefer to Become a Monk (Image Courtesy Allie Caulfield)
Sign up with the political party of your choice and become a tireless campaign worker for your preferred candidate. They are not likely to thank you after the election (especially if they lose), but it does give you a good excuse to have a great party on election night!
But remember that most of the jobs are pretty tough and thankless. Putting posters on electricity poles carries risks even if you are OK with heights, and it's amazing how much your feet will hurt after a couple of hours standing around handing out How to Vote cards.
Nice work, Dave. A TV-free zone certainly helps. Ours has only been broken by the ABC's Gruen Nation -www.abc.net.au/tv/programs/gruen-nation/ - which has given us a few laughs, as well as some insights into the workings of election campaigns and advertising.