I work in the Finance department of a media company, and someone who dabbles in writing of any genre.
Published January 31st 2013
Thoughts for Valentine's day
I still cannot fathom as to how long distance relationships work. Loyalty is tested and the heartache felt must be immense with the separation, not just to their wife/husband, but also the rest of the family members. They endure separation anxiety to ensure that their family have a better than an average life.
However with the help of some of my close friends, and some research, I will share some ideas in the hope that they will help with the angst one may feel when separated from a partner, or a family member. Hopefully these ideas will help couples that are themselves involved in long distance relationships.
You first need to ask yourself, if you both are just dating, a partner, committed, or just plain seeing each other.
1) Communication is a must. Email at least twice a day. Let him/her know what you are doing, even the mundane things can be great. Communication is very important now that he/she is on the other side of the continent.
2) Since you will not be seeing each other for a while, it's important to establish and maintain an emotional connection. These don't always have to be long, in-depth conversations, tell each other about your little triumphs and tragedies. Ask him/her for advice. Use an instant messenger program or VoIP for real-time chat, or web cams for that visual connection.
Long distance phone calls put a strain on your budget. Ensure the e-mails are substantial and detailed, it will show that you care enough to put in the time and effort. Write love letters, send small gifts, cards, or send flowers for no reason. In this case, quantity is as important as quality. You may discover an advantage over others whose partner is close at hand; you don't take communication for granted.
On a good note, there are other advantages of being apart, you are able to spend a lot of time with your family and friends, no arguing over the remote, or whose turn is it to wash the dishes. And the euphoric feeling once you see your love again.
3) There is no reason as to why you both can't do the things you both enjoy together when you're apart. If you both enjoy watching movies, take time to discuss what you've seen over a glass of wine.
4) Have his/her picture on the wall of your home, work and in your wallet. So when you find that you're missing each other like crazy, he/she is everywhere.
5) Don't control each other or give limitations and demands. People should be able to decide on their own free will. If the relationship is cherished, it doesn't matter if you are 5000 kilometres or just at next suburb, you have to completely be able to trust each other.
6) Look after yourself physically. Join the gym, buy a bike, take some dancing lessons or take a regular walk. The last thing that your partner expects is someone who is 10 kilos heavier than before. Make time to pamper yourself - it sounds vain, but it will just make both of you proud of each other.
7) If your finance allows it, why don't you visit each other? Relationships cannot survive alone on texting or emails. Intimacy is very important. Love is such a great feeling.
8) Avoid being jealous. I know it's a hard task, but jealousy in small doses is good, but if it becomes obsessive, it will ruin your relationship. It's a disease that only you can control. When you start a long distance relationship, you must realise of the difficulty that lies ahead. Don't assume that your social life will come to a halt just because you can't be with each other often.
Don't interrogate. If you didn't receive an answer from your text or email, don't assume that he/she is with someone else. Don't let it consume your life. Think that everyone is innocent until proven guilty.
9) Talk about your future together. Assuming that ultimately you'd want to live together, discussing how you're going to get to that point will help you prove to each other that the relationship is going somewhere and that your efforts and frustrations are not in vain. Don't worry, it will get better in time. Be positive.
10) Be consistent. If you promise to call at certain time of the day - stick to it. Sent a text or email at the same time every day. It's something nice to look forward to.
And on this Valentine Day, say a prayer, that you are both safe and most of all, loved and will always be loved.
I was in a long distance relationship for two years, (but now living in the same state and still together), it was hard. But definitely, number one is the communication between each other. Very good post.