How to Deal with Hate on Social Media

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"Hate: it has caused a lot of problems in this world but has not solved one yet." Maya Angelou

Global events and crises can bring out the very worst in some of us. And unfortunately in this day and age, the very worst in us seems to thrive and spread on social media like a horrible pandemic.

Following a deeply horrifying world event last year, I shared a post on Facebook about it, stressing the importance of us all in uniting together in love and peace to stop such terrible acts from ever happening again. A 'friend' (let's call her Cersei) responded very negatively towards the victims. Another 'friend' (let's call her Sansa) was in shock and responded to Cersei's comments, urging her to show compassion towards the victims, but Sansa was then attacked by Cersei. Sansa, however, showed great strength by continuing to respond to Cersei with kindness. But she privately messaged me afterward and asked me, "Why does Cersei have so much hatred inside her?"

Hate on social media
There are many Cerseis on social media. And they have a lot of hatred inside of them. They can pour out their hate in extreme ways or their hate can show in milder forms. But whether their hate is extreme or not, it's still very apparent from their posts and comments that they have hate and anger with the world (and always with certain groups of people) seething inside them.

They've always existed, of course, since time immemorial. But in today's world, digital platforms such as Facebook and Twitter have given them new ways to express and vent out their frustrations, opinions, and judgements. The Cerseis I know strongly believe in Freedom of Speech and that they can post whatever they damn well like on their social media pages. But very sadly and very disturbingly, they don't seem to understand that the right of Freedom of Speech in Australia is not absolute and that it actually comes with duties and responsibilities. Let me repeat that: the right of Freedom of Speech comes with duties and responsibilities. Such as their duty and responsibility to be decent human beings.

Why does Cersei hate so much?
That was the question my friend Sansa asked me after being attacked by Cersei. And that is the question many of us continue to ask about all the Cerseis on social media. Because with Coronavirus still raging around the world, the Cerseis are out in full force, ranting and raving and blaming and attacking. And whether they realise it or not, they are massively responsible for the hatred that's spreading as fast as this terrible pandemic. Writer and blogger Tanwi Dixit , who has had a lot of trolls to deal with, has this to say about haters and the kind of people they are: "The kind of comments a person posts on social media speaks a lot about the person him/herself. What you need to realize is that a person who's incessantly trolling you is probably at a very sad and unhappy place in their own life. Would a person who's living a fulfilled life hide behind the screen of anonymity and spend their time being mean to some random person on the internet? Internet trollers are in most cases people who are leading unfulfilled, sad lives who want to vent out their frustration by blasting random strangers." ( Source ).

The trollers and Cerseis of social media are really one and the same breed of sad, unhappy people who love to spread their misery and poison.

How then do you deal with the Cerseis of social media?
It can be very distressing to witness such hate on social media, particularly if it's directed at you.

Australian author Karen Tyrrell knows all about hate and its horrible impacts. Long ago when she was a school teacher (and long before social media came on the scene), she was repeatedly bullied and stalked by the parents of her student to breaking point, triggering severe mental illness. "I became an involuntary inmate of a psychiatric facility where I discovered the healing power of daily writing," Karen tells me. "I developed coping strategies to deal with life challenges. I eventually recovered from mental illness and returned to teaching to prove that I could." But Karen's creative spark had been ignited. And so she left teaching and began writing books and performing at festivals and schools. Karen is now an award-winning author for adults and children, writing empowerment books to help us live strong. Her books include Me and Her: A Memoir of Madness, Me and Him: A Guide to Recovery, STOP the Bully, and Bailey Beats the Blah. She is also the recipient for four mental health achievement awards for her books, and she presents at schools and in the community, often accompanied by her husband Steve. In 2015, Karen won a Queensland highly acclaimed peer mental health award, the Jude Bugeja Award.

As an author with a strong presence and following on social media, Karen has come across many Cerseis. After her first two books were published, Karen received some hateful comments on her website and on Facebook from people who doubted her story of parent-teacher bullying and subsequent mental illness, or questioned her recovery. "My first reaction was to clarify or even justify my books which only made things worse," she says. "So, these people began to hound me, trying to get inside my head. Over time, I learnt I was unable to convince certain people of my authenticity. They were too rigid in their point of view. So, I instead I delete negative comments without replying to them, not engaging with them. When confronted by hate in real life, I ignore, walk away and don't engage. It's the only way to stay strong."

Here are Karen's top tips on how we can deal with the haters and hateful comments on social media:
Don't engage or respond to any hateful comments or remarks. Ignore and find comfort with your family, friends and supporters.
Block the person involved. They may be a troll or have their own hateful agenda. You can't interact with these people.
Report to Facebook or SM administration.
Don't read people's hateful or negative posts.
Don't get involved in political or religious debates.
Surround yourself with positive, kind, grateful people on social media.
Only post positive uplifting posts that generate kindness and compassion.
Always be kind and show gratitude.


Fellow award-winning author Juliet M Sampson also has her strategies of dealing with hate on social media. Juliet is determined to spread sunshine, inspiration, and happiness. "The way I deal with hatred on social media and in real life is by avoiding or distancing myself," she explains to me. "Most of the time negativity is about the other person for whatever reason. It may be hard to pinpoint the cause. I choose to keep away from people who seem destructive. Life is too short. I never stay in a place or group that makes me feel uncomfortable. I find my own tribe. It is an easy thing to do. There is a sense of happiness and wellbeing. I surround myself with people who are positive and uplifting."

Juliet's personal motto is "spread sunshine and inspiration" which has now reached a global audience via social media. "Don't allow haters to take your power," she advises us. "A tip shared with me once was 'eyes to the front.' Stay focused on yourself. We are all on our own journey and do not need to compare ourselves to others. I know this is easier said than done but try to stay in the 'here and now.' That's what is important. Another famous saying I love to use is 'I will not allow the noise of others to disturb my inner peace.' We are the captains of our own ships. What people say to us is only their opinion. Life should be about empowering, uplifting and supporting others. 'Spread sunshine and inspiration,' this is my motto in life."


Another great way of dealing with hate on social media is offered here by IMIX , a UK-based organisation of professional communication experts who want to change the conversation about migration and refugees to create a more welcoming society. One of their strategies is for people to work collectively. "Trolls and haters gain more confidence in their fellowship," IMIX says. "For this reason, when confronting them you should do the same. Get all your friends to report their profile as well, spread the word and build a network around you to feel empowered. Also, there are many organisations who actively counteract hate speech with online campaigns, like Silence Hate , Don't Feed the Trolls and Get the Trolls Out . When you need support, contact them."


You are responsible for what you post and say on social media
Whether you like it or not and whether you realise it or not, everything you post on sites such as Facebook and Instagram, and all of the comments and 'Likes' you make on your 'friends' and other pages, will reveal to your 'friends' and followers something or a lot about the kind of person you are. For people like Cersei, their social media posts, comments and attacks say a lot about the kind of people they really are-and for those of us reading their comments and posts, Cersei doesn't come across as a very nice person at all.

And here's another important point to consider. If you are a leader/manager/employer/boss, etc then I believe it's absolutely important on your part to be aware of what the members of your organisation/workplace/group etc are posting on social media, and then deal with them appropriately if their posts are causing problems. For example, in my own experience with Cersei, her comments on my Facebook post and her attack on my friend Sansa caused myself and some others to report her behaviour to one of the leaders of our organisation. The leader knew all about what had been going on. But the leader's response was very, very disappointing and very, very disheartening. The leader would not deal with Cersei, and even defended her, insisting that Cersei was actually a very nice person! I was flabbergasted by the leader's response. Are the leaders/managers/bosses, etc out there aware that the Cerseis within their organisation/group/workplace, etc are actually causing a lot of damage to their brand? And by not doing anything about the Cerseis within their ranks, are these leaders also aware that they are themselves inflicting their own damage?

Whether we like it or not, social media is now a huge part of our everyday lives, and a lot of people are using it. But it's how we are using it that is the big issue here. And we all need to take responsibility for how we use it. We can spread hate and anger on social media-or we can spread sunshine, kindness, and inspiration.

The choice is ours.

%%"Hate is too great a burden to bear. It injures the hater more than it injures the hated."
Coretta Scott King%%

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