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Published May 25th 2013
Sometimes a break up, can be a wake up call
Breaking up with someone is never easy, but somehow I have managed to have mostly clean break ups and that's saying something, because I'm a girl fuelled by my emotions and cry at the drop of a hat - Like literally, if my favourite hat drops on the ground, I'm a mess.
I have also been on both ends, the person who gets there heart broken and the person to break someone's heart. People say both situations are just as hard, but if I'm being real…we all know being broken up too, is harder than doing the breaking up. Not only is it a shock, we are obviously pretty invested in the relationship, because if we weren't, we would have been the ones doing the breaking up! I'm not saying breaking up is a walk in the park, maybe if the park was a dark alley and you were running away from zombies, but you get my drift – it's hard.
I find it generally helps to be 95-100% sure you are ready to break up with someone, before you actually do it. This way you can be confident in your decision and not mess someone around, by breaking up and then wanting to get back together. In my experience "a break" hardly ever works out. In theory it should, but in reality too many emotions get hurt and trust is broken.
It's always best to put yourself in their shoes. If you were going to have your heart broken, what would be the best way to approach it? If it was me, I'd like it done at a male model casting, so that my future singledom didn't look so dark and pathetic, actually it could have the opposite effects, but I would appreciate the thought, regardless. The rest really depends on how long you were together
1 week - THIS IS THE ONLY TIME A TEXT OR FACEBOOK MESSAGE IS OKAY, however nothing can beat a face to face conversation. Make it polite and to the point. Something like: "Hey, I've been thinking, this week's been fun but I'm not ready for anything serious. You are a great girl/boy, and it's been loverly getting to know you. Sorry, hopefully we can still remain friends."
1 - 3 months - A coffee and a warning. Let the person know "you need to talk", so you can prepare them for what is coming.
6 months – Things get a little harder when you hit the 6 month mark, because deep emotions have developed and you need to take that into consideration, while maybe to you it doesn't seem like that long together, when someone is falling in love, 1 week, can seem like you've know the person forever. Be sensitive, but firm. Don't lead her/him on to believe there might be hope of getting back together in the future, because it will only make it harder for the person to get over you. Let them know you loved the time together, but maybe you weren't compatible for the long run.
1 - 3 years - Hug yourself for a couple of minutes, this one isn't easy. Talk it over with a close friend, to get advice and really evaluate and sum up your feelings. Are you sure this is what you want? Maybe you are only going through a rough patch? You'd be surprised how much talking things out can help, especially with someone who knows you best. If you do decide breaking up is the right thing to do, I always write down some reasons why. This helps prepare you for the break up talk with your partner. If there was ever a time to be honest, now is it. Don't feed them some crap about "It's not you, it's me", because that's a slap in the face after such a long time together. Focus on what the problems are. If anything else, you can both walk away learning something. Throw some positive times in there too and let the person know you will always care for them...you don't want to completely break them.
5-10 years - To be honest, I haven't been in this situation, so I don't know how great my advice will be, but I will give it a go. I'd try and fix/work on things before jumping right into ending a relationship that's already lasted this long. Talk about how you are feeling openly, get the other persons opinion and thoughts. See a relationship counsellor, even. Anything that could help, don't feel embarrassed. This experience could even bring you closer together. Love isn't always about the great times; you also get the hard times too.
Okay, enough of me being Mrs Romantic - if you know ending it is the right thing, then do it.
Be prepared for a looonnnnggg talk and most likely you will both have things you will need to sort out, maybe a house, children or pets. This is why it's best not to do anything dramatic like have an affair, because that's just asking for trouble. I wish you all the best of luck. Do what is right for you, not someone else.