Undoubtedly the worst question but best answer at any Miss Universe Contest was at the crowning of Miss Universe Philippines in 1980.
HOST: Here's your question, are you still a virgin? DELEGATE MARIA ISABEL: If I say I still am, can I bring home the crown tonight? HOST: Good answer! MARIA ISABEL: What about you Ma'am, are you still a virgin? HOST: I have 5 children with 5 different fathers, and what do you call that, Immaculate Conception?
Marie Isabel won that night and went to represent her country in the Miss Universe competition coming third. Later she became one of the Philippines' favourite actresses.
So, I can't tell you how to sprout to 178 cm or gain natural symmetry but if you have some of the God given attributes of a Miss Universe applicant, I can tell you how to give it a go at becoming the next Jennifer Hawkins.
But first some facts about what would you be getting yourself into. The first Miss Australia title was held in 1908. In the 50s through to the 80s the competition was connected to the Spastic Centres of Australia. The winner would tour the country as the spokesperson for the Spastic Centre creating awareness and raising money.
In the 70s and 80s the beauty contest become politically incorrect and the target of feminist protests. Miss Australia associated with the Spastic Centres died away (the last Miss Australia being in 2000) meanwhile in other parts of the world Miss Universe and Miss World became big industries (Miss Universe is owned by Donald Trump). Australians didn't show much interest in the international contests until in 2004 an unknown model from New Castle took the title.
Since then, Jennifer Hawkins has been a role model of good behaviour and a smart career. With all the nude and wet t-shirt competitions around that make women aspire to be no more than sexual objects and earn quick bucks, Hawkins has turned the admiration of a clean beauty into power as a media personality and a businesswoman. Relatively speaking, I think the feminist of previous generations would applaud her.
Here are some of Miss Universe Australia's requirements and general facts:
Height: It's not specified but the contestants between 175 cm and 180 cm usually take the crown.
Jenifer Hawkins won at 178cm. Jesinta Campbell also made the top 3 at 178 cm. Erin McNaught didn't make the finals at 172cm although she was rated favourite to win before the night. The current winner is Ximena Navarrete of Mexico says she is 174 cm.
Dress size: Good news, it's not the deathly American size zeros (our size 4). Jennifer Hawkins wears American size 6 (which is an 8 to 10 here).
Age: Between 18 and 27
Jenifer Hawkins was 21 when she won in 2004.
Interests: charity, children (though you can't have any of your own nor be married), world peace and self-esteem of young woman.
Miss Universe Australia 2011 has already been crowned (Scherri-lee Biggs from Perth) and will compete in Sao Paulo Brazil in September.
But there's always 2012. So start practicing tearing up in surprise with fake eyes lashes on while waving your hands frantically and snorting gracefully. You know the move.
So, in short, if you are a lanky but not withering young woman between the age of 18 and 27, who likes children and charity, worries about world peace and self-esteem, are pretty much symmetrical but are prepared to be improved on, have no allergies to fake tans, scalpels or hemorrhoid creams, have no objections to bikinis with high heels or strange national costumes that include boomerangs, gum leaves and high heel ugg-boots, here is the link to the entry form for Miss Universe Australia.
The national costume of Australia worn by Jesinta Campbell Miss Universe Australia 2010