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How to Be a Rockstar

Home > Perth > Music | Fun Things To Do
Published June 14th 2011
Before you read this article, I would like to state that I hope that I have not caused any confusion with the title of my article being "How to be a rockstar".

Please, read on.

As I near the age of 30, slowly but surely, I fear my chances of becoming a rockstar are now mighty thin.

In fact, they were never any good because I can't sing to save my life.

Actually, I have known full well since I was 11 that me, on a stage, singing to my adoring fans was never a possibility. Not unless 'Scared Cat Ballads' become the new 'in' thing.

So if you're like me, and you're a little down today because you realise that dream is never going to eventuate, you might want to read on.

Who say's that you can't be your own biggest fan?

If you've got a bedroom, and you've got a full length mirror, then you can be the biggest rockstar in your world. Here's what you want to do.

1. Organise your bedroom:

There are a couple of ways in which you can perform to your audience.

You could set your 'stage' up like the Burswood or Astor Theatre. With the stage at the front, and the crowd in straight rows of seating from front to back.

Or, you could perform 'in the round' with crowds of people circled around you. This allows the audience to see you from any angle.

This to me is a little intimidating though, especially if I had an Angus Burger and McFlurry the night before.

Either way, it's up to you, you just want to feel comfortable.

I personally prefer to perform to a front on stage. This is how Celine Dion does it, so this is how I will do it.

Push your bed to sit horizontally right up against the back wall as you can see by my diagram.

Any other furniture such as the bedside table or hat stand is going to have to go - unless you are feeling creative and want to make your hatstand look like an audience member. Just pop a coat over it, stuff the arms with plastic bags and put a hat on top. A real life fan never hurts.

Grab yourself a full length mirror. It helps to see yourself and what moves work / don't work. Pop it opposite your stage, as suggested in the diagram.

2. The little things:

Imagine going to a concert and all that was set up was a block for the singer to stand on. Boring. You want to add some ambience to your personal rock theatre.

Try lamps and lights for instance.

Lava lamps have always offered hours of staring pleasure for me. If there was a staring contest between myself and a lava lamp, I would win hands down. But only just.

Cheap disco lights can also be purchased from your local Thingz store to add to the vibe.

Line all the lamps and lights you have collected up along each side of the room as per my diagram.

When you turn down the room lights, turn on the lamps, and turn up the rockstar heat, your audience will be 'wowed'.

A collection of your favourite toys can also be used to form the crowd. That way, you are sure to have no hecklers. At least not with my crowd. Most of my toys were born mute.

Another little touch I like to add is an upright fan. This way, your clothing and wild hair can be blown around while you belt out your best version of 'Semi Charmed Life'.

Not only that, at some points of the song if you sing directly into the fan, it sounds like you are going really fast over speed bumps and singing at the same time.

Oh, and have a stool and a towel for those points of the concert where you have worked up a sweat and want to 'take things down a notch'.

3. The set list:

You'll want to write yourself a set list just like a real life gig.

What am I talking about, this is a real life gig.

It's good to be organised so your audience see you are a professional, and that the $173.50 they paid for entry was well worth it.

Jott down the songs you wish to perform, from start to finish, including breaks, and points where you might want to stop and talk to your audience.

I prefer to open the concert with a song before I say anything. Even before I say HELLO PERTH, or HELLO NABOO, or where ever I may be.

Because then people rock out, get really excited, and see my full potential even before I say one word.

This song is usually something by my future third ex husband Caleb Followill of Kings of Leon, or The Cure.

4. Get personal:

Let your audience get to know you. You want for them to think that they are the best crowd you have ever played for, and for that one night, you all had something special.

Even though deep down you know that tomorrow night you will do the same thing and talk the same talk to a different crowd.

But hey, you already have their money.

You'll want to add in about how you have done a lot of sightseeing in their great city, and a funny story about something that happened when you went to the zoo.

The audience will like this, because they have probably also been to the zoo and seen something funny there. So they will laugh because it's true.

And when you talk, make sure your voice is well projected. You want to be heard by all 42,000 of your number 1 fans.

5. Costume changes:

To keep things interesting, you'll want to do at least 3 costume changes throughout the performance.

And how about making them fun?

Don't go to GaGa extremes, but don't just take off your jacket and count it as a costume change. That's not allowed.

Run into your wardrobe (dressing room) and pop on a whole new dress or skort (skirt /shorts), so it's obvious.

A funny thing to do would be after about 2 costume changes, put on the first costume you were wearing. Then when you come out, casually say "Have we been here before?"

That is a guaranteed laugh right there, and you didn't even include comedy in the run down of your gig so they just got a bit more for their ticket price.

6. Encore:

So when you leave the stage and say your goodbyes, chances are the crowd is going to stomp their feet and cheer until you come back out and perform again.

Well, you know how they say you should never give a child a lolly if he begs and screams and has a tantrum for it? This is the same.

Don't give the audience what they are after right away. Personally, I like to run myself a hot bath and relax after the show (it's been a big night) then make my way back out for the encore when I am good and ready, not when the audience demands it.

7. Reviews:

Lastly, you might like to write yourself up some reviews and stick them in your local paper.

Just don't feel bad if you get a bad review. Remember, people have different tastes. It doesn't mean that you aren't a fantastic performer.

And 7 million dollars in ticket sales can't be wrong.

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Why? To make that Rockstar dream a reality
When: Your last album didn't do so well, and you could do with the money from ticket sales
Where: Your bedroom
Cost: Free
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