You know how the saying goes. "I'm so hungry, I could eat 500 grams of meat on a stick".
Okay, so maybe that's not a real saying. But it will be after you have your first taste of Hippo Creek.
You know how people always ask where you were when you heard about important events? Like, where were you when man first walked on the moon? Well, I remember the day when I first heard of this restaurant, because I remember thinking, "Meat on a stick? Oh, that is phenomenal."
And when it was finally my time to experience this phenomena, I was not let down by any means.
It was a wet and wooly winter day when my partner and I decided to make the trek from our South side abode, all the way to Hillarys Boat Harbour.
We don't often head North, preferring the comforts of the South (respect). But we were almost certain this would be worth our while. I can't say I have spent a lot of time out at Hillarys. Apart from the fact that it's always been a million miles from where I live, I've never felt it was worth the travel.
A great spot it is, don't get me wrong, but my heart lies at Fremantle which I feel offers a little more than this boardwalk of restaurants and bars. However, Fremantle does not offer Hippo Creek, which will surely increase the amount that I will be frequenting Hillarys from this day forward.
After scoring a parking spot nice and close, we brave the wind and wander through the boardwalk to Hippo Creek.
I had made a booking, so as soon as we arrived our table was ready and waiting. We were seated right by the window, with a view of the jetty and water. Perfect.
First up, wine. Of course. And what better combination than a nice bottle of red to go with the juicy steaks we were waiting to devour. The drinks selection is quite vast, just to my liking. You'll browse through a whole page of interesting spirits before even reaching the beer and wine selection.
A couple of options that caught my eye, were the Pernod Absinthe, and Maintstay South African Cane Spirit, a couple of really different selections for your average restaurant.
But of course, Hippo Creek isn't your average restaurant.
I've always had a love of Merlot, so we decide on that. Bottles of wine range in price from around $18 up to $130 for your Moet & Chandon so all tastes and budgets are catered to. You can also purchase some wines by the glass.
Now, we get to the menu, which is just short of amazing.
As Hippo Creek is an African Grill, you won't just find your average chicken and beef selection on the menu.
For starters, you can purchase a Game Meat Tasting Plate for two. For just $46, you'll enjoy a selection of skewers of Buffalo, Crocodile, Camel and Ostrich, with monkey gland and peri-peri sauce.
Now, I can't say that we went for that option, but I would be probably be Game (pun intended) next time around.
As we knew were were probably going to struggle through our mains, happily I might add, we decided to share a starter, and went with the Avo Dugout. This being, an avacado half filled with a variety of fresh seafood, tossed through peri peri aioli, topped with half a marron.
For $19.50, it was a perfect share starter. However, I feel anything tossed through peri peri aioli would taste amazing.
Throw an old shoe through peri peri aioli and I can safely say that I would happily take a bite.
Other starters (that's Ukuqala in South African) include snails sauteed in garlic, and white wine with tomato, rocket and parmesan for $15, traditional sizzling garlic and chilli prawns served with yellow rice for $17, or peri peri salt and pepper squid with roasted garlic aioli for $17.
Then you'll come to your mains, available from the grill (Inyamaosa in South African for those wondering).
All Hippo Creek Steaks are MSA grade and aged for a minimum of 21 days. They come flame grilled with your choice of sauce and fries, mash or a baked potato (dinner only) with sour cream and salad.
Prices for your Certified Australian Angus Beef are as follows.
250g Fillet $42
300g Sirloin $36
500g Rump $40
900g "Isagila" (The Club) Ribeye on the bone $70
KILO Rump $67
Or, if you're nuts, you can take the 2kg Rump Challenge. For $100, you get your 2kg RUMP, including chips and salad, which must be polished off in full, sides included. If you manage to succeed in this challenge, you'll get $50 off the price of the meal.
You can also choose from the Natural Tasmanian Angus, Stockyard and Rangers Valley F1 Wagyu, Pork Spare Ribs or Garlic Prawns, also from the grill.
And, if you thought that was interesting, I haven't even started. Here lies the best part. The 'meat on a stick' part I had a rant about for three paragraphs at the beginning.
Starting at $36 for the 350g, or $44 for the 500g, you can get the Hunters Assaghai.
This is marinated cubes of rump steak on a skewer, hanging over a bowl of fries with your choice of garlic or chilli butter dripping down, served with a side salad.
No doubt you just read over that again, because it blew your mind, didn't it.
Now, I saw the 500g come out and thought that amount of meat could have been shared between two normal humans. So we both settled with the 350g (which is still unbelievably enormous).
If you are finding it hard to picture, I took the liberty of taking a photo, which I feel was rather unselfish, considering I had to wait an extra five seconds before tucking in to this beauty.
But honestly, this dish needs to be seen to be believed.
Hippo Creek Hunters Assaghai 350g Beef with Chilli Sauce
The meat was cooked perfectly medium, and slid off the skewer with ease. This dish fulfilled all of my wildest dreams, plus more. I highly highly recommend it to anyone who totally loves meat.
The Assaghai is also available in chicken thigh, with a choice of peri peri butter as your dripping sauce for $33. Other mains available on the menu include the Botswana Beef, Open Steak Sandwich, and good old Surf and Turf.
So as you would suspect, after our mains we were well and truly stuffed. And if you know my partner and I, we were well and truly not finished.
If you're on a good thing, why not finish with dessert?
I decided to steer clear of the heavier options, like the chocolate mousse and milk tart, and stuck with the vanilla ice cream with melted Mars Bar sauce. (Amazing, might I add, and the perfect end to my meal).
The man kept it all macho with his choice of the peppermint crisp cheesecake with chocolate mousse and caramel ice cream.
It was here, that we were defeated, getting through only a quarter of the cheesecake.