"Oh, I'm sorry. I can't divulge information about that customer's secret, illegal account. Oh, crap. I shouldn't have said he was a customer. Oh, crap! I shouldn't have said it was a secret. Oh, crap! I certainly shouldn't have said it was illegal. It's too hot today."
The Cayman Islands banker discusses Krusty's illegal account, "Bart the Fink"
In the episode "Bart the Fink" Bart accidentally exposes to the IRS that his childhood hero, Krusty the Clown, is one of the biggest tax cheats in history, and has been hiding assets in the Cayman Islands. When suspicions are raised about Krusty, an employee of the First Bank of Springfield calls another banker in New York City, who then rings the Cayman Island Banker to inquire about Krusty's account. The Cayman Island Banker appears in a brief scene. He works at a bank in the Cayman Islands and is seen fanning himself with a fan when he gets the phone call about Krusty. He casually tells the caller that he cannot divulge information about Krusty's secret, illegal account. He then hangs up the phone and realises in a panic that he shouldn't have revealed that information, a mishap that he blames on the heat.
Homer: "Look, John, you seem like a perfectly nice guy and all. Just stay the hell away from my family!"
John: "Well, now you don't get any candy. No that's cruel. Just take a teensy piece."
John: "Homer, what have you got against gays?"
Homer: "You know. It's not... usual. If there was a law, it would be against it."
Homer confronts John, "Homer's Phobia"
In the episode "Homer's Phobia" the Simpsons family find themselves in financial difficulty after receiving a gas bill for $900. The family decide to sell some family heirlooms at Cockamamie's Collectibles Shop to raise money to help pay the bill. The shop clerk is a friendly, charismatic man named John. He regretfully tells the family that the items they brought in to sell have no real value. The family is disappointed but is so charmed by John, they invite him to visit their house. Later, John visits the house and gets on very well with the family. The next morning, Homer tells Marge how much he likes John, and she tells him that she suspects he might be a homosexual. Homer panics when he hears this and reveals himself to be homophobic. Marge is angry at Homer for reacting that way and insists that the family will continue to be friends with John. Homer starts to worry that the more time the family spends with John, that his tendencies will start to rub off on his son Bart and turn him gay. He event confronts John over his fears that he is having a bad influence on Bart, which outrages Marge, but doesn't seem to bother John all that much. He is patient with Homer and asks him questions about what it is that he hates about gays. Later, when Homer takes Bart on a hunting trip and does not come back, John doesn't hesitate to help find them, earning Homer's respect and friendship in the process. "Homer's Phobia" is one of my favourite episodes of the Simpsons. John is such a fun, likeable character and I really like how the episode explores Homer's homophobia and pokes fun at it. It also contains one of the funniest scenes ever when Homer takes Bart to visit a steel mill to see "real men at work" and discovers that the whole steel industry is gay.
Blue Demon: "Well... have all the doughnuts in the world!" [he cackles evilly as a machine starts force-feeding doughnuts into Homer's mouth. Homer starts eating doughnuts. A short time later, Homer is very fat but is still happily munching down on doughnuts]
Homer: "More. Mmm!"
Blue Demon [confused]: "I don't understand it. James Coco went mad in I5 minutes."
The Blue Demon torments Homer in Hell, "Treehouse of Horror IV"
In "Treehouse of Horror IV" Homer misses out on doughnuts at work and is so disappointed he vows that he would sell his soul for a doughnut. The Devil appears in the form of Ned Flanders and offers him a contract to exchange his soul for a magic doughnut. Homer rushes to sign the contract and happily starts munching down on the doughnut. The Devil warns him that the moment he finishes eating the doughnut, he will own his soul for all eternity and will be sent to Hell. Homer realises that if he never finishes the doughnut, the Devil will never own his soul. He mocks the Devil over this loophole, who angrily vows that he will collect his soul and see him in Hell eventually. Later that evening, Homer accidentally eats the rest of his forbidden doughnut, and the Devil arrives to take his soul. Lisa asks that her father receive a trial, which the Devil agrees to, but only if Homer spends a day in Hell being tortured first. Homer is sucked into Hell and is punished by being chopped into dog food and having demons use his head as a bowling ball. In the Ironic Punishment Division, he meets the Blue Demon, who ties him to a chair and tries to force feed him all the doughnuts in the world. The plan backfires when Homer happily keeps eating the doughnuts and keeps asking for more, much to the confusion of the Blue Demon. The joke in this scene is that being forced to eat all the doughnuts in the world is Homer's idea of heaven, not hell.
Ballet Teacher: "Bravissimo, Bart! Next week, class gives its first recital. And you, you will dance the male lead."
Bart: "Dance in front of my whole school? What is it with you and ballet?"
Ballet Teacher: "I know you have great conflict, Bart. You love ballet. Yet you feel the boys will laugh at you, no?"
Bart: "No, I fear the girls will laugh at me. I fear the boys will beat the snot out of me."
Bart and his ballet teacher, "Homer vs. Patty and Selma"
In the episode "Homer vs. Patty and Selma" Bart turns up at school late and is distressed to learn that while he was cutting class the rest of the students at school were signing up for physical education classes. When Bart tries to sign up for classes, he is told that the only class left with spaces available is ballet. Bart is embarrassed to sign up for ballet because he thinks it is only for girls. When he turns up to the class his embarrassment only worsens when he discovers he is the only boy there. His teacher, a woman with a Russian accent, welcomes Bart into the class and encourages him to learn dance. She is so good at tutoring Bart in ballet, he starts to develop a love of dance, and eventually becomes her star pupil. His ballet teacher develops so much confidence in him, she casts him in the male lead role in a class performance. When Bart tells her that he is too embarrassed to perform, she encourages him again, and helps him find the bravery to do something that he really wants to do in front of his whole school. I really like Bart's ballet teacher because she is one of the few teachers in his life who encourages and supports him and has faith that he can achieve great things.
First Appearance: Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire
Voiced By: Meryl Streep
Bart: "We gotta talk."
Jessica: "Listen, thanks for not turning me in. That was sweet."
Bart: "Well, it seems like if you really care for me, you should come forward."
Jessica: "Oh, don't you see? It's because I care for you that I can't come forward."
Bart: [thinks] "That doesn't make any sense."
Jessica: "All right, then I just don't feel like it, OK?"
Bart: "Jessica, you're really beautiful, but you are not very nice."
Bart: "You know, with the way you're treating me, why should I protect you?"
Jessica: "Because, if you tell, no one will believe you. Remember I'm the sweet, perfect minister's daughter and you're just yellow trash."
Jessica and Bart, "Bart's Girlfriend"
In the episode "Bart's Girlfriend" Bart develops a crush on Jessica Lovejoy, the young daughter of Reverend Lovejoy and Helen Lovejoy, after he discovers that she has a thing for bad boys. Outwardly, Jessica acts sweet and innocent, just like people would expect the daughter of a Reverend to behave. Bart later discovers that this is just an act. Jessica is actually a wicked, manipulative girl, who likes to break rules and cause chaos just for the fun of it. For a while, Bart thinks he has found the perfect girl for him. The two of them get up to mischief around town, pulling pranks and being little deviants. At first Bart finds spending time with her to be a lot of fun, until she starts doing things that he felt was crossing a line like forcing him to skateboard down a steep hill littered with obstacles from a truck accident. Bart slowly realises that Jessica is not being very nice to him. Later, Jessica steals money from the church collection plate and blames it on Bart. This infuriates Lisa who steps in to defend her brother and is able to pin the crime on Jessica. Jessica confesses to the crime and tearfully admits that all of her antisocial behaviour is just in an attempt on her part to try and get attention from her father. I really like how the episode "Bart's Girlfriend" makes Bart realise that there is a line that not even he is willing to cross when it comes to causing trouble and that his relationship with Jessica was not healthy or good for him. The episode also shines a great light on Bart's strong relationship with his sister, Lisa.
[Lard Lad stomps over to Homer's House, bends down and presses the doorbell. Homer opens the door and looks up at him nervously]
Homer: "Hello? Yes? Oh. If you're looking for that big doughnut of yours, Flanders has it. Just smash open his house."
[He closes the door.]
Homer: "He came to life. Good for him!"
[Lard Lad walks over to Flander's house, smashes it, and then stomps back over to Homer's door and rings the bell again. Homer opens it and Ned runs past screaming]
Ned Flanders: "Help me, Lord!"
[Lard Lad glares menacingly at Homer]
Homer Simpson [frustrated]: "I told you, Flanders has it! Or Moe. Go kill Moe."
The Lard Lad statue visits Homer to get his doughnut back, "Treehouse of Horror VI"
Lard Lad is the advertising mascot used for Lard Lad Donuts. A statue of Lard Lad holding a large metal doughnut above his head is common outside or on top of Lard Lad donut stores. In the episode "Treehouse of Horror VI" Homer visits a Lard Lad doughnut shop and asks for a "Colossal Donut" just like one he saw advertised on a sign. When he receives a small doughnut, he is so mad at their false advertising, he comes back to the shop that night and uses a chain and his car to steal the Lard Lad's statue doughnut and takes it back to his house. A freak storm passes over Springfield and several advertisements, including the Lard Lad statue, are struck by lightning and come to life. Angry about his doughnut being stolen, Lard Lad goes looking for Homer to get it back. The Lard Lad statue is one of my favourite Simpsons' Halloween characters. The thunderous boom of his footsteps, his menacing unblinking glare, and how he would throw back his head and scream like Godzilla always used to frighten me as a kid.
Shopkeeper: [Homer has agreed to purchase a Krusty doll for Bart's birthday] "Take this object, but beware it carries a terrible curse!"
Homer: "Ooh, that's bad."
Shopkeeper: "But it comes with a free frogurt!"
Homer: "That's good."
Shopkeeper: "The frogurt is also cursed."
Homer: "That's bad."
Shopkeeper: "But you get your choice of toppings."
Homer: "That's good!"
Shopkeeper: "The toppings contain potassium benzoate."
[Homer looks puzzled]
Shopkeeper: "...That's bad."
Homer: "Can I go now?"
Homer buys an evil doll from the House of Evil shopkeeper, "Treehouse of Horror III"
In "Treehouse of Horror III" the Simpson family are having a Halloween party and decide to tell scary stories. Lisa offers to tell a story about a boy and his toy doll from Hell. The story begins with Bart opening birthday presents. In a panic, Homer realises that he has forgotten to get him a present, so he leaves the party and rushes out to purchase something. He ends up at a shop called 'The House of Evil' which sells all sorts of evil-looking gifts and trinkets. He passes several ominous-ooking objects and selects what looks like an ordinary, harmless-looking Krusty the Clown doll. The shop owner approaches him and warns him that the doll carries a terrible curse but then adds in a lighthearted voice that it also comes with a free frogurt. Homer's conversation with the House of Evil shopkeeper is one of my favourite moments in a Simpsons Halloween episode. The writing and the comedic timing is excellent. I love how the shopkeeper has a forbidding air to him one moment and a cheerful tone to him the next. Homer doesn't know whether to be confused or frightened by the shopkeeper and his warnings, which I find adorable.
Marge: "Springfield doesn't want places like this."
Belle: "I think I know what Springfield wants, sugar."
Marge: "Oh? I've lived in this town for 37 years."
Belle: "I've lived here 52 years."
Marge: "I'm 3rd generation."
Marge: "Get out of my town!"
Belle argues with Marge, "Bart After Dark"
In the episode "Bart After Dark" Bart is playing with a model airplane in a park with a group of friends. When the plane lands on the roof of a nearby creepy looking house, the children are frightened. There are some people who think that a witch lives in the house. Bart sneaks onto the property and climbs on the roof to retrieve the plane. He loses his balance and falls to the ground, breaking a valuable stone gargoyle in the process. He is discovered by Belle, the owner of the property, who takes him back to Homer to complain about his trespassing. Homer suggests that Bart should work for her doing odd jobs until he can pay off his debt to replace the gargoyle. Belle agrees to take Bart back to her house and to let him work for her. When Bart arrives there, he finds gambling, drinking and a burlesque show happening in the house. Belle explains that she is an entrepreneur and runs a business called the La Maison Derriére where people can have a drink and see a show. Bart happily tells her that he has been "grossly misinformed about witches" and offers to help starting sorting some bras, but Belle kindly tells him that is too advanced for him, and gives him a mop and bucket instead. Bart happily starts taking on odd jobs in the house, including welcoming people at the front door, which makes for an awkward (but hilarious) moment when his own Grandpa walks in. Belle is such a fun character. I love her Gothic house, her old time charm and confidence, her sense of fashion and how when confronted by an angry Marge, she is completely unfazed, and even amused by her moral outrage.
Bruno: "That's it! I'm gonna report this to me member of Parliament."
Bruno: "Hey, Gus! I got something to report to you!"
Gus: "That's a bloody outrage, it is! I'm gonna take this all the way to the prime minister!"
Gus: "Hey, Mr. Prime Minister! Andy!"
Prime Minister: "Aye, mates. What's the good word?"
Bruno and Gus have a word with the Prime Minister, "Bart vs Australia"
In "Bart vs Australia" Bart causes an international incident with Australia after he makes a six hour collect prank call to a boy living in Australia. When the boy's father, Bruno Drundridge, is billed $900 for the call, he calls Bart and demands that he pays the bill, but Bart refuses and hangs up on him. Outraged, Drundridge reports the incident to his neighbour Gus, who is a Member of Parliament. Gus is furious and insists on reporting Bart's actions to the Prime Minister of Australia. Bruno and Gus find the Prime Minister of Australia floating naked in the middle of a lake drinking a can of Fosters beer. "Barts vs Australia" was met with mixed criticism when it first aired in Australia. The episode was so controversial, the creators of the Simpsons' received over 100 complaint letters from people in Australia, who felt that the episode had been poorly written and had made a mockery of Australia. Over twenty-years later, the episode has become more embraced by Australians, with the scene mocking the Prime Minister becoming a fan favourite and considered among many to be a classic example of Simpsons' humour.
Beekeeper 2: "Yes, a little too quiet, if you know what I mean."
Beekeeper 1: "Hmm... I'm afraid I don't."
Beekeeper 2: "You see, bees usually make a lot of noise. No noise - suggests no bees!"
Beekeeper 1: "Oh, I understand now."
[a bee flies by]
Beekeeper 1: "Oh look, there goes one now."
Beekeeper 2: "To the Beemobile!"
Beekeeper 1: "You mean your Chevy?"
Beekeeper 2: [pause] "Yes."
The Beekeeper wonders where his bees have gone, "Lisa's Rival"
In the episode "Lisa's Rival" Homer steals a massive pile of sugar that he finds at the scene of a truck accident. He then attempts to come up with various schemes to make money from the sugar. His sugar pile attracts a massive swarm of bees from a local apiary which puzzles the beekeepers who wonder where their bees have gone. Beekeeper 2 remarks to his colleague, Beekeeper 1 (played by Hank Azaria), that it is too quiet. Beekeeper 1 agrees that it is too quiet and when a bee flies past suggests they get into their "bee mobile" to go and find their missing swarm. Hank Azaria is absolutely hilarious as the over-enthusiastic, excitable beekeeper. His character's over-zealousness was based off Adam West's portrayal of Batman in the 1960s Batman television series.