Like going to get off the leather couch, and being stuck. The 'Zzzzz' in the middle of the night followed by the slapping of a mosquito. Dehydration. Heat stroke. Toilet cubicles at festivals being more like tiny sauna's. Sweating bodies piled in to a train like sardines. This horrible list is endless.
Air-conditioners are great, but not always reliable. And even if they are working, some just don't do the trick.
So before we hit the big 4-0 for the first time this summer, I have come up with a little list so that you can stay cool, stay prepared, and prevent any un-necessary melt downs during our countries hottest months. Besides always staying hydrated with plenty of water of course.
And they're fun, so you'll love them even more.
1. Hire someone to carry two large battery operated fans wherever you go
This I feel would work a treat. All you need to do is buy two big battery operated fans, light enough to carry in one hand for the majority of the day. Hire someone who has fairly ripped biceps to carry these around wherever you go, keeping you cool.
It also looks great if you're a lady, and you enter a room with your hair blowing in the wind. Doing so in slow motion makes this really effective.
If you feel bad getting someone to carry the fans around, buy a little red cart and two standing fans, and have your worker pull that around wherever you go instead. You could probably do that yourself, but why waste energy that could indeed make you hotter than needed?
Bathe in ice. Put ice in your bath and hop in. There's no better way to keep cool than to completely freeze. Wash your face with ice. Sleep on a large block of ice. Crunch on ice. Have everything 'on the rocks'. Put ice in your pants before heading out the door.
Just watch any large bath tubs filled with ice in the middle of a large room with a lockable door. Your liver could end up on the black market. And that's not what we want here.
3. Ditch the couch, use a paddle pool
Buy an inflatable pool, and use your hose to fill it up. Drag it in to the lounge room, careful not to spill the water, and watch T.V from your new favourite seat in the house. Or, if you are following tip 2, you could always fill the pool with ice instead and sit in that. It's up to you.
You could even choose to buy a couple of things to keep you occupied whilst in the pool. Like a remote control hover craft.
4. Get hotter than you already are
It doesn't sound 'fun'. Okay. But at least by doing this, you won't be thinking about how hot your body is anymore.
I'm talking about chili. Hot ones. Like ghost chili. Coat some chicken in the hottest chili you can find, and eat it up. That way, you'll be thinking about how hot the chili is, and forget about the fact that you're uncomfortably hot because of the heat of the sun.
Now to just get rid of that chili burn.
5. Car Wash Sponge Shoes
Don't you hate it when you step outside shoeless, and realise the pavement is really gosh darn hot?
The best way to keep your feet cool, and avoid the burn is my invention, the Car Wash Sponge Shoes. What you will need is two large yellow car wash sponges. Using twine, tie them to the bottom of both feet. Pop them in a bucket if you like, to wet them, and there you have it. Car Wash Sponge Shoes.
However, you could just wear normal shoes.
I hope that I have helped you to think outside the square when thinking about how to get cool this summer. And you'll want to be outside the square, because in summer it can get really hot in there.