So, you've strained your left buttock and broken your small right toe in an unfortunate manoeuvre while dancing to Gloria Estefan it happens to the best of us. You're bed bound, shame faced and going out of your mind with boredom, waiting for at least one side of you to heal so that you can hobble back out into the big, bad world. In the meantime, there's nothing for it but to wait, but you need something to do other than licking your wounds (not an advisable activity).
To help you out, we've come up with five fun things to keep you amused, all of which can be done without moving a (very tender) muscle.
Play With Yourself No doubt you've had a few phone calls go unreturned since your fall from grace. It's unlikely you will be able to coax anyone to entertain you in your boudoir until your shame is forgotten in the wake of something else more scandalous, and by then you'll not only be healed, you'll probably be senile. Or perhaps everyone is at work. In any case, if you're short of playmates, you'll have to improvise and play with yourself. We recommend: backgammon. What better challenge to keep you amused than to be your own opponent in a game of chance and strategy? Alternatively, you can try to outwit yourself with chess or any other favourite board game, with the exception of Guess Who?.
Write an Opera
Did you know that the story behind Tchaikovsky's famous ballet, The Nutcracker, was written by a man bedridden with an incongruous injury? Alright, it wasn't really, but that doesn't mean you can't use this time to be inspired by genius. Take up thy quill and create a masterpiece it will keep you occupied, take your mind off your pitiable condition and maybe even propel you into immortality.
Knit a Scarf Spend your days of confinement doing something fun, fulfilling and wholesome, like knitting a scarf. Do it while listening to Megadeth. Once you've mastered the scarf, you can move on to more challenging projects like tea cosies and three-piece suits. If knitting isn't your thing, you can try painting, scrapbooking or assembling Kinder Surprise toys.
Be Distracted Read, watch or listen to something entertaining. Books, movies, radio, TV, funny blogs, calls from telemarketers, fights between the couple next door these things were all created for our amusement and diversion. Make the most of them.
Learn Something By the time you recover and get back on your feet, you could be an expert in Arabic calligraphy, fluent in Hebrew and adept at creating balloon animals (assuming you're not already). The internet is full of useful sites offering online courses and free step by step tutoring all you need to do is decide what you want to learn. Otherwise, you could read the dictionary. Then you'll definitely be able to beat yourself in your next Scrabble match.
There are plenty of things to do and see around the world, but sometimes, we need to take our pleasure where we can, so while Gloria Estefan has a lot to answer for, neither she, nor anyone or anything else, should ever stop you from having fun in bed.