Captain Fun Pants and the Mystery of the FunOmatic Fun Wand

Captain Fun Pants and the Mystery of the FunOmatic Fun Wand


Posted 2015-02-13 by Natalie Ermerfollow
Ahoy there, me hearties! Time to grab the wee young lads and lasses. We're headed to the Garden of Unearthly Delights - Le Cascadeur, for a raucous adventure on the high seas watching a rollicking show, 'Captain Fun Pants and The Mystery of the FunOmatic Fun Wand.'
An email interview with our seafaring mateys leaves me pondering whether they be entirely honest with me. Our interview features Heath Franklin - YES, of the Chopper Franklins! And his first mate, Harley Breen - YES, of the hilarious stand up comedian Breen! On pondering their responses to my questions, I suspect I've been hornswaggled! I get two different responses, and that was my main clue that these two were pulling my land lubbing leg. Speaking of clues, there's a mystery to be solved and they need your help. In the meantime, following are the ramblings of Captain Funpants and Pirate No Beard:

Me: So, how long have you been best mates for, Captain Fun Pants and Pirate No Beard?

Captain: Since the 23rd of January 2014.

Pirate: For seventeen and a half years.

Pirate No beard, why do you not have a beard?

Pirate: I don't know why I don't have a beard. It's genetic I think. Smooth as here bro, like a land dolphin.

Captain: It's actually because it fell off in the great smelting accident of 1983.

Me: What's so fun about your pants, Captain?

Captain: They're made entirely of jumper.

Me: As for this Fun Wand, can't you just buy another FunOmatic fun wand at the pirate store if it's been taken?

Pirate: That's the problem with this generation; don't bother looking after anything you own and just buy another one. We're humble pirates so 'just buying lunch' may not be an option either. We have to get that wand back.

Captain: One doesn't simply buy a FunOmatic Fun Wand. The FunOmatic Fun Wand is a priceless scepter of the funOrific fun revolution.

Me: Tell me a little more about the Forest of Farts. This topic is a particular favourite with kids, isn't it?

Pirate: Great story. Farts are the unifying feature of all mankind. When cheeks come apart the world comes together.

Captain: Farts can change the world. If we all just did them a little louder and a little bit longer, the world would be a funnier place, all be it a little stinky down there.

Me: What made you go into kids' comedy? Have you done kids' comedy before? Did you become a father? You have obnoxious nephews and nieces?

Pirate: All of the above. My nieces are super obnoxious.

Captain: I've done kids' comedy for years. I also have a child and nieces and nephews. But to be honest, it's the fame and fortune.

Me: Bedtime Island. Is that every child's worst nightmare?

Pirate: And every adults'. Putting a child to sleep can be the most mind-shredding exercise in futility in the world.

Captain: I'm a full grown adult human and I still hate bedtime.

Me: It sounds like it's a bit of an interactive show. Tell us how the audience is getting involved? Is there going to be a real life pillow fight?

Pirate: You have to keep kids involved or they will turn on you and tear you to pieces like a wet napkin.

Captain: Well it depends if No Beard gets in my way. I'll just be swinging the pillow. If he happens to walk into it, that's his problem.

Me:Is there a true to life back story that inspired 'Captain Fun Pants'?

Pirate: Breen, you better take this one.

Captain: Heath stole my pants when we were on tour and I had to wear my jumper to go to the shops for some milk. Then I saw Heath with my pants so I gave chase. An onlooker saw me running in my jumper pants and yelled "Hey Captain, your pants look fun!" I agreed and the rest is history.

I asked Heath Franklin if he was worried about all the Chopper fans bringing their children to the show. He insisted he will not use expletives at all, no matter what they want.

I asked Harley Breen if there is a moral to the story, since his stand up comedy style often includes humorous social commentary. And yes, there is a moral. Put your jumper on as a pair of pants and when you want to go to the toilet you can go out the neck hole.

I don't think you're kidding when you say 'finally playing to an audience their own age'. Was it lots of fun putting this story of Captain Fun Pants together?

At this point there were some very piratey things exclaimed involving the words 'unpleasant, lazy, short tempered, demanding, regrets, tent falling'.

Before they had me walk the plank, I asked for any final words from our rollicking swashbucklers for parents of pirate fans.

Pirate: We will look after your kids for 45 minutes. Imagine that, 45 whole minutes where you get to worry about anything else while 2 grown men make funny sounds in the background.

Captain: Honestly. 45 minutes. That's 45 minutes of no nagging, 45 minutes of them sitting watching... whatever, it doesn't even matter! It's 45 MINUTES OF SOMEONE ELSE DEALING WITH THEM.

...and who better than two pilfering, pillaging pirates with an earnest concern for their FunOmatic Fun Wand? The kids will love them. Something tells me so will the adults. Playing from Saturday, February 14 to Sunday, March 15. Get your tickets at FringeTIX before they sell out. Tickets from only $15!

109957 - 2023-06-12 14:44:10


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