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Blokey Christmas Gift Guide

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by Tim Falk (subscribe)
A freelance writer with an interest in just about everything.
Published November 28th 2011
Finding the right present for some men can be about as challenging as deciphering just what Sylvester Stallone is saying in any of his movies. And no matter whether you're Christmas shopping for your husband, boyfriend, dad, brother or mate who has everything he wants, I'm sure you're dreading battling your way through the hordes of shoppers to try and find something that he might like. Even after all that effort, more often than not you end up with little more than a lot of stress and a fair few wasted hours.

So to help you find the ideal gift for the man in your life, here's my guide to the best Christmas presents for blokes.

Does the bloke you're buying for spend hours and hours on the PS3 or Xbox each day, racing cars, slaying monsters and shooting at all sorts of virtual terrorists? It doesn't take a genius to work out that he'll love a new game. Probably the biggest console game out there at the moment is the much anticipated Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3. If he prefers playing sports games, get him a copy of Fifa 12 and he'll be a very happy man.

When it comes to buying for blokes, it's hard to go wrong with sport. Which is why any man will be over the moon if Santa brings him a Foxtel subscription. Sign up for a sports package (and maybe throw in movies as well) and he'll be able to watch all the NRL, AFL, A-league, EPL and anything else he can handle.

No matter how old he is, I reckon every bloke secretly loves remote control cars. I used to love playing with them as a kid and I still look on with barely disguised jealousy when I come across some lucky youngster racing one around the park. Even if he says he's too mature for a toy usually designed for ages 14 and below, he's lying. I know I probably should have outgrown remote control cars by now but I haven't, and I'd love to find one under my Christmas tree on December 25.

If you're really stuck for ideas, keep things simple and give him man's best friend - beer. Yes, it's a bit cliched and maybe not the most exciting or thoughtful gift in the world, but a case of fancy beer will make him 10 times happier than giving clothes or taking a punt on something you're not sure of. If he's more of a spirits man, a nice bottle of scotch is the way to go. Stick to what you know he likes and you can't go wrong.

The other safe bet with most men is toilet humour. Any novelty gifts related to those most embarrassing of bodily functions are bound to get a laugh. Alternatively, you can combine some toilet humour with something practical and invest in something like the Potty Putter from the Mad Shop, which lets him sharpen his short game while sitting on the toilet.

And last but not least, if you're feeling particularly generous why not think about giving him the Kawasaki 2012 Ultra 300X. Billed as the fastest jet ski on the planet, this beast pumps out a massive 300 horsepower. And not only does it go like the proverbial bat out of hell, it's also packed with gadgets like an electric trim system and electronic cruise control. Sure, it may cost a little more than all the other gifts in this list, but this is the ultimate big boy's toy.
2012 Kawasaki Ultra 300X
The 2012 Kawasaki Ultra 300X is an absolute beast.

If you're looking for more blokey Christmas gift ideas, websites like Gyrofish, (including gifts like the BBQ sword, which combines an oversized fork with the opportunity for a bit of impromptu backyard swordfighting - genius!) and Red Balloon have got you covered.

Now there's no excuse for any disappointment come Christmas morning - so get shopping.
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Why? Give him what he wants
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