... a dreamer, freelance writer, massage therapist, naturopath, mother & drop-out social work student living, working and writing in the Blue Mountains. When not occupied with the real world, she writes fantasy.
Published October 16th 2012
The inside tips from a woman
Avoid the laughs and get the conversation started with a decent pick up line.
I can still recall the worst pick up line I ever heard. Leaning on a bar in Parramatta, feeling ill and nursing a bloated stomach, a young man separated from the crowd to ask me if I was pregnant.
I've been asked stranger questions. The point is: there are pick up lines that will get a conversation started and there are ones that will close it down quicker than a gay nightclub in an Islamic country.
In the aforesaid example, the man in question didn't get a look in but ended up the butt of laughs and ridicule. He could have been Daniel Craig personified, but with a dumb line like that – forget it!
Some pick up lines make you look stupid, out of touch, rude, sleazy or plain predatory. Come on, many women (at least the jaded ones) think of men that way anyway. It's up to you to prove to us that you aren't. Like an interview, the way you introduce yourself to a stranger conveys a lot about you.
One tends to think of pick up lines as the key to opening a door. In reality it's only a part of what makes a person like or dislike you. The initial picture that you present to is a conglomeration of your manner, confidence, voice, looks, smell and clothes as well as all the hidden ambiguities that are conveyed in that first impression. To think that the world can hinge on a few words you utter is unrealistic. There are no magic words to make a woman fall for you.
Women check out the entire you. You can speak like a prince but if she doesn't like blondes with freckles and Angelina Jolie-type lips there's not much you can do – short of severe cosmetic surgery. Truth is, chemistry is a mysterious thing.
Having said that, as in the aforesaid example, a bad pick up line can end up in embarrassment, laughter (at your expense) and rejection. Whereas, a good one, can at least get a conversation started.
Best Pick Up Lines and Why They Work The best pick up lines are those that are natural, fit in with the situation and show a good side to your character. Bad pick up lines are those that seem fake or suggest negatives about your character.
Avoid pick up lines that focus overly on a women's looks or sexiness. This suggests you're only interested in one thing. It's also not that great for generating a conversation. After all, how long can you talk about her hot legs or becoming bosoms? The secret is, most women are sophisticated beings and have brains in their heads. They want to connect with you on that level. The majority of women are also looking for commitment and romance. Any pick up lines that put you outside that category, (such as the 'I think you're hot, wanna come back to my place' variety') are best avoided. Unless of course, that's all you want and you're after a like-minded soul. Keep in mind that every female has been inducted since she was a little girl to be wary of going home with strange men. Avoid anything that might put you in that category. I have seen perfectly decent men viewed as sleazy rat-bags merely for approaching a strange women in the wrong setting.
Thus, it's best to build your conversation starter into the situation at hand. This makes it impossible for anyone (other than very bad-mannered or PMT suffering women) to ignore you. It also prevents the defensiveness from women that can arise from many typical corny pick up lines.
Another good approach is to use humour. Alternatively, some men like a direct approach. That can be potentially romantic. The approach you use may depend on your personality.
To illustrate the above points, I've compiled a list of what I consider good pick up lines.
Natural / Situational approach:
1. How's your night going? Are you having a good time?
(This was my favourite ever pick up line. To me it says the guy isn't desperate and is interested in my thoughts and feelings. It's not someone talking 'at' you and creates potential for a flow of conversation. In the real life situation, I was keen to keep talking to this man. Notice that the first question is an open question. This means she can't leave you hanging with a 'yes' or 'no'.)
2. Do you know what time the train / bus comes? [then follow on from there]
3. It takes ages to get served in this place. How long have you been waiting?
4. Can you give me directions to Martin Street?
5. Have you got the time?
Why it works: To avoid sounding phoney, these lines need to be applied to the specific situation. To move onto the next level requires a slow transition from talking about the situation to becoming more personal – otherwise it might look like a set-up and could feel awkward.
1. A scary girl just tried to pick me up. Mind if I pretend we're married.
2. A guy just pinched my arse. Mind if I hide out here with you till he's gone.
Why it works: Everyone loves humour and as we all know, it breaks down barriers. Of course, you need to be in a light-hearted mood to deliver these properly. The more truth in the funny story, the better too.
1. I love your style and grace. Do you mind if I introduce myself?
2. I saw you laughing and I hope you don't mind, but it made me want to chat with you.
3. I think you look amazing and I just had to talk to you before I went home or I would have kicked myself later.
Why it works: Gets to the point and is honest. The downside, is that by getting to the point, it means the other party might too. Sometimes this ends in disappointment. The direct approach is more risky but means you usually get a quicker answer. Just don't go over the top.
The delivery of your pick up line is vital too. You need to display confidence, employ a natural tone and appropriate body language. At all times avoid anything phoney, cocky or aggressive. Speak loudly and clearly, but softly. This is a seduction, but she needs to hear you.
On the subject of touching - hand-shakes are fine, but avoid intimate touches. A kiss on the cheek when you wind up talking can be a sweet touch, but no mouth kisses please and no groping. After all, this is a stranger and your breath might not be as pleasant as you think it is. One also might be okay about catching the cold or herpes from their partner, but not some random at 3am at the local nightclub.
If you don't succeed remember that it takes two to tango and there is a multitude of reasons your starter might not lead to the main dish. For starts she might be about to walk down the aisle with John Smith from Bankstown. Or it could just be she's a goth and you're a suit and tie accountant.
Don't be disheartened. Somewhere out there is a girl with adoring eyes for boys with blonde hair, freckles and Angelina Jolie-type lips.
great article. A lot of women like men who can have a normal conversation instead of one-liners that only the bloke thinks are witty. This is why normal, natural conversation works. If it doesn't lead to anything at least you've had a half-decent conversation with someone (and you haven't embarrassed yourself).