Awesome article. Your writing style (and ideas) are so entertaining - I love it.
You could take the first suggestion – nude artistry – a step further and paint yourself. Cover yourself in colour, using face-and-body paint. Or get even more adventurous and experiment with henna patterns.
Of course, it’s much easier to paint someone else than it is to tint your own tushy, but that requires an equally nude-friendly painting partner.
When you’re finished being decorated, take a photo or two of your handiwork. The nudie no-no in this case would be sharing that photo at work, or on facebook. This is one for the private collection.