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How to Survive an Election Campaign

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by Dave Walsh (subscribe)
I enjoy writing about Adelaide and its many attractions. If you think Adelaide is boring, the problem is not with Adelaide. adelaideunearthed.blogspot.com.au/
Published August 13th 2013
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How to Survive an Election Campaign

election campaign, election, elections, election date, federal election, prime minister, opposition leader, parliament, xenophon, escape
One Way to Survive an Election - (Image Courtesy of Daily Sunny)


If it's not bad enough listening to the Prime Minister and Opposition Leader squabble all year in Parliament House, then remember that things can and do get worse at federal election time!

During an election campaign the two major parties will be throwing copious quantities of cash at the media to give them access to you 24x7. And to make it even worse, it's YOUR cash!

election campaign, election, elections, election date, federal election, prime minister, opposition leader, parliament, xenophon, smiling
Sick of Smiling Faces?


If it's not your taxes thoughtfully passed on by the Electoral Commission to major parties, it will be donations from companies who have raised their prices just to fund their favourite friends in politics.

election campaign, election, elections, election date, federal election, prime minister, opposition leader, parliament, xenophon, recycle
Is Your Recycle Bin Full Yet?


As the election date gets closer, so do the politicians at shopping centres. My local member is normally harder to find than a sub-Saharan pygmy, but I actually saw him on TV recently - the first time since he was elected in 1996!

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Is This Really Green?


But there are ways to survive with sanity. Read our guide on how to enjoy an election campaign, and if you have any better suggestion please tell us - after all, we're all in this together!

Take a Break

election campaign, election, elections, election date, federal election, prime minister, opposition leader, parliament, xenophon, budapest
Hide Away in an Irish Bar in Budapest, Hungary


The easiest way to survive an election campaign is to escape it! Find a country where they don't give a rats about Australia and its elections, and treat yourself to a holiday there.

The best choices are non-Commonwealth countries like Hungary, Brazil, Rwanda or France. The chance of even seeing the word Australia is pretty much zilch in any of the above.

I'm sorry but it's not enough to head for the hills in London - they usually find a perverse pleasure lampooning Aussies, and the antics of our Prime Minister and Opposition Leader during an election campaign give them rich pickings.

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Relax on the Beach - Sunny Nice in the South of France


Enjoy It

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Facebook Groups Proliferate


The more perverse among us survive by treating the whole election process as a joke. After all, we're paying to watch the performance so we should get our money's worth.

In days gone by we could rely on brilliant satire like The Gillies Report to cheer us up as an election loomed, but it's harder to find quality stuff these days.

But it is still possible to folllow the parody people and ignore/escape the reality. On Twitter
ABCNews23 and the parody Tony Abbott are fairly easily found,. Facebook is awash with campaigns against Abbot - here are just a few:
Friends don't let friends vote for Tony Abbott
Don't Risk Tony Abbott
Tony Abbott will never be prime minister
Keep Calm Abbott is not PM

By contrast I found few anti-Rudd groups - perhaps Mr Abbott's supporters are older and not so Facebook friendly. Even Kevin Rudd & Julia Gillard - How to ruin a Country in 10 days only has a mere 500 supporters

The Liberals have fought back strongly on Youtube, forcing the takedown of an ALP clip spoofing a Liberal campaign advertisement. But you can still get a smile from this older video.

The Liberal fightback isn't confined to Youtube either - the Pirate Party have been forced to take down one of their posters too.

election campaign, election, elections, election date, federal election, prime minister, opposition leader, parliament, xenophon, senator
Kid Around With Senator Xenophon


Once a master of political stunts and satire, Senator Nick Xenophon has been quiet on the electoral front so far. But in the past he has taken a kid goat to parliament to urge voters not to "kid around", and using a model train to make a point about a poltical gravy train..

Take a Vow

election campaign, election, elections, election date, federal election, prime minister, opposition leader, parliament, xenophon, nun
Take a Vow and Become a Nun! (Imager Courtesy Stephen Rosger)


No, don't "take a bow" (unless you're a candidate).

Take a vow and escape the election in your choice of convent or monastery. Now I know that the hours are long, the food is basic and the accommodation is not exactly five star, but taking a vow of silence should let you escape all talk of elections.

election campaign, election, elections, election date, federal election, prime minister, opposition leader, parliament, xenophon, monk
Males May Prefer to Become a Monk (Image Courtesy Allie Caulfield)


Who knows, you may decide to stay there after the election if the wrong guy gets in!

And if you can't beat them...

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Will Wikileaks Win a Seat?


Finally if you can't beat 'em, then join em!

Sign up with the political party of your choice and become a tireless campaign worker for your preferred candidate. They are not likely to thank you after the election (especially if they lose), but it does give you a good excuse to have a great party on election night!

But remember that most of the jobs are pretty tough and thankless. Putting posters on electricity poles carries risks even if you are OK with heights, and it's amazing how much your feet will hurt after a couple of hours standing around handing out How to Vote cards.

election campaign, election, elections, election date, federal election, prime minister, opposition leader, parliament, xenophon, train
Get on Your Party's Gravy Train


Even that probably isn't as bad as handing out leaflets at the local shopping centre, then finding out that your boss, neighbours. and all your friends are voting for the other bloke.

If you have any more survival tips then please tell us. After all Parliament isn't going away any time soon and another election will be just around the corner. Help us all out!
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Why? Don't let elections get you down
Where: Australia
Cost: Free
Your Comment
nope, there is no escape from the torture of an election. We just have to count the days down until it's all over....
by Paula McManus (score: 3|2444) 1383 days ago
Hahaha you are too funny Dave!
by Yin-Yin Ow (score: 3|1589) 1383 days ago
Nice work, Dave. A TV-free zone certainly helps. Ours has only been broken by the ABC's Gruen Nation -www.abc.net.au/tv/programs/gruen-nation/ - which has given us a few laughs, as well as some insights into the workings of election campaigns and advertising.
by Geraldine Massey (score: 3|7294) 1360 days ago
I just started drinking the day the election was called, and didn't stop.

Also, The Chaser.
by Carly Ogborne (score: 3|4616) 1359 days ago
Could I vote donkey?
..... or would I be haunted by a ruddy angry rabbot chasing me until the next election?
by koj77 (score: 2|151) 1383 days ago
Believe me, it's even worse when you work in government - all the best laid plans are now "on hold" (grrr). When do we want it? ("It" being services & funding). WE WANT IT NOW!!!
by Jenny (score: 3|1555) 1383 days ago
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